Why do you do this to yourself? Why do you do this to anyone? You are stupid. That is all there is to it. I’m amazed that you can even figure out how to breathe properly.
There is no reason to feel this way, no reason to go through this. Is it making you stronger? Is it making her feel any better? No, it’s fucking not. You’re hurting yourself and, more importantly, you’re hurting her.
Yeah, maybe she did forgive you, but she shouldn’t have. She should have told you to go fuck with someone else. People make mistakes, but you aren’t a person. You aren’t worth that much. You don’t get that luxury. You aren’t allowed to fuck up, not when it hurts her like it did.
Because the simple fact is that you aren’t good enough in any way. Not for her and not for anyone. If you were stronger you’d leave her so that she wouldn’t make the mistake of being with you. You’d silence that stupid fucking voice that even suggests you might not be as horrible as we both know you are.
So I guess when I asked why you do this at the beginning of the letter, that was silly of me. You do it because you deserve to hurt, because you have no worth. You shouldn’t feel happy, you should trick yourself or anyone into believing that there is a single good thing about you. Maybe you’re hurting her now, but that’s for the best because soon enough she’ll leave and then you can be all fucking alone. You can stop hurting everyone else and just focus on yourself. That’s the way it should be. You deserve to suffer alone, not drag everyone down with you.
I hate you.