It’s not everyday I meet someone who I actually like. I am quite picky with who I choose to talk to let alone give my heart to. You seemed different. You were real. Down to earth, sweet, kind, made me laugh and smile like no one I have ever met.
I did not want to tell you how I felt, not for a long time, but I did. The day you said you thought you were falling for me, I just could not not tell you. I thought it would bring us closer, not pull us apart.
I know it was me who scared you off. I know if was me who messed things up and did not just go with how things were. I just wanted us to work work so bad. I had such great plans for us. Whenever you mentioned something about us doing things together in the future, I got so excited. Going to a cottage with you, to the US, meeting your family and best friend, these are all things I actually wanted to do. I have never wanted to meet a girl’s family before, I usually dread that.
I told you you were perfect, I told you how beautiful you are, how sexy, how cool, how I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. You told be you are far from perfect. Of course you are not perfect, no one is, but to me, you are perfect. I said all those things to you not to scare you away or to flatter you into liking me more, but because I felt them, and still do.
I wish most days that I never met you. Not because you hurt me more than anyone I have ever met, but because I cannot meet anyone new who compares to you. I meet new people from time to time and every time I do, they do not match up to what I feel we had. They either want kids, or love god, have no sense of humor, hate video games, cards or board games, do not like dogs or animals at all, do not drink, the list goes on and on. All I know is no one I meet feels right, not like it did with you.
I know you never want to hear any of this, you are so strong and fierce. I love about you. But I hate that you will never speak to me again, that you have just tossed out the idea of me forever. I fear that I am going to grow old and good for nothing alone now. This scares me. I know you are the one, my soul mate, I was told in therapy that if I really believe this, I need to let you know, I need to keep on trying, but at the same time, let you realize it too. What kind of shit is that? Tell you but don’t, pursue you but don’t? How do I even do that?
I guess this is how, post my heart on the net for everyone to see and read and hope you still use this site, actually read this, and then maybe decide to talk to me again. Like my luck in life is that good. I do have some things to tell you that are not all about how I pine for you every day, things that are different or have happened in my life, things that maybe I should never tell or maybe you never would want to know. I am not sure, we only dated for 6 weeks before you ended it not even a week before x-mas. Ouch that sounds so harsh, but I know why you did it before and not after, I just wish I never made you feel pressured the way I did.
I am glad I shaved off my mustache so I did not look like a creepy old man any more, just so I could give you that memory of me making an ass of myself in front of your mustached father. There are so many things that we did not get to do, not enough parks visited together, not enough playgrounds drunkenly played on, not enough good food experienced together, not enough movies watched together, not enough hugs and holding.
But not I feel the cum covered rats are taking over my life. I feel like leaving this place almost every day yet if I did that, then I definitely would never get the chance to hold you and kiss you again. I believe you wrote to me saying that you did not want me to pine over you for years, you want me to move on. Well I did try. And I failed miserably. I do pine over you. I do not want any strange, I do not want anyone else, I want you, and only you, forever. Again, only more to scare you off but this is who I am, a true believer of true love and love at first sight, both I felt with you, for the first time in my life.