• security blanket.

    by  • March 19, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Letting Go • 0 Comments

    yes, this is about you. and, sadly to say, this is all you are to me at this point. something i can’t let go off because it’s been around me for so long and i’m afraid to be without it. something i can’t sleep at night without because i’ll get cold. i don’t know how we’ve grown so far apart or what to do about it but it seems unfixable at this point. you disgust me. i look at you now and see the person that i never wanted you to be and never thought you could be to me. how could you sit there and watch me struggle with my life just to turn around and do the same?? what kind of person does that to the one that they call the love of their life? how do you fucking sleep at night? and what is wrong with me? i can’t quit no matter what. why am i pathetically hanging on to something that i know doesnt exist anymore? i hope to god every single moment that i’ll turn around and there you’ll be or you’ll notice that i havent gotten a minute of sleep since we started to go downhill. but you dont. you never do. the thing that’s most heartbreaking to me is that fact that i come to you and cry out to you all the time and you dont hear me. you wont hear me until its too late. i know i deserve much better than you and youre dragging me into the deepest darkest depths of my person so much that i’m suffocating myself but i’m waiting for you to save me. you saved me from me before and i’m calling to you now but youre nowhere to be found.

    how did it even get to this? i knew you’d have this effect on me and so i tried to push you. i pushed for months until i finally let you in and THIS is how you show me you love me? THIS is what you wanted, what you waited for all that time!?!? you are honestly the saddest excuse for a relationship that i have ever had. and i hope this hurts. actually i hope it kills you. i hope that when you find out i havent been true that you cry EVERY SINGLE NIGHT like i did. i hope you see me happy and it kills you because you know you had me and you lost me. i broke you once and i sure as hell can do it again. i never wanted this but you gave me no choice. all the broken promises, nights waiting up for you, time spent waiting for your call, the lost cause that is our relationship. i honestly want to know where we went…where you went. my heart calls out for you every night still. i dont know how to make it stop. but more than that, it sinks every time i know i’ll see you because it knows how disappointed i am and every single time its broken over you and your lies. you care about me? bullshit. you werent anywhere near when i needed you. i guess all i do now is sit back and watch the trainwreck that i know will occur.

    goodbye love. it was nice knowing you. wish i could’ve saved you from yourself.

    Leave a Reply