• My Suicide

    by  • March 19, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Heartbreak • 2 Comments

    dear Justin,
    I have grown attached to you, the way you smiled back in those days that you loved me, the way you used to be so awkward around me because you couldn’t find a way to communicate with me, the way you used to say my name so sweet and i’d smile at the thought of how safe i must be with you. Recently all we’ve been doing is arguing, after almost three years we have worn each other out. There are no more I love you’s or you look beautiful today but only I’m sorry’s after huge altercations. Raising voices at each other, yelling, screaming, crying, hitting, and the occasional shaking. I have always solved my problems by cutting, that will never change, I will always be a cutter, and you’ll always be the reason why i’ll never quit. I searched for love in you and found it, maybe we moved too quick to realize that a suicidal girl could never be in love with someone who didn’t understand the broken. It’s romantic in a way, once you think about it, the story about how the girl tried to find love when she knew she couldn’t. I tried so hard to tell you so many times the reasons why I am the way I am. I tried explaining to you why I am so afraid of the dark, or the reasons why I hate doctors. You’ll never understand. You told me to quit, well how can I if it’s you that kills me over and over again. Just when I start thinking it can’t possibly get worse it does. Today March 19 is my 18th birthday and all I asked for today was to be happy. Instead you called me a liar and crazy. I have been crying since 7 oclock at night. It’s currently 9:42. I want to die, let it all go but I can’t.

    2 Responses to My Suicide

    1. Mia
      March 19, 2012 at 9:17 pm

      I can relate to this. It’s exactly how I feel. I don’t know how I keep my head up now-a-days. I know that there’s nothing I can really do to help, but happy birthday. I wish you all the best.

    2. Erik
      March 19, 2012 at 10:32 pm

      Hang in there! Don’t depend on other people for your happiness or self worth, they will always let you down. I know how rough that can be. I am praying for you. Happy birthday, I hope it’s not too bad.

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