Everyone has heard of couples growing apart after so many years together. It’s not at all a surprise when it happens in a relationship. If this is so evident, then why am I having such a difficult time accepting that you no longer see me as you once did. 4 years ago, I was the most beautiful girl in the world and I had someone who loved with all his heart. You made me feel invincible when we were together. Just by the way you looked at me I knew that you saw something no one else even knew existed. The way you made me felt was everything in the books. You became my everything. That I never wanted. I never desired for someone to take over all my thoughts and so important to me. But, you did. I would say I was literally addicted to your love.
Well now I’m having withdraws. Year one was perfect & year two was the stuff of fairy tales. Year three was the worst year of your life. I truly believe it. With all the downs of that year, you became…..dark? There’s no other word that comes to mind. You were so hateful to me. Yes, I know it was because of the world just falling apart. Everyone also knows you take things out on the ones you love. It’s not at all a surprise when it happens in a relationship. If this is so evident, then why am I have such a difficult time accept it? You hurt me with your words mostly. Just snapping at me when I tried to help. I began to just not talk at all. You silenced me. Then the affection left completely. You made me numb. And at last, your love seemed to vanish.
This is year four. It’s a new start. I have dealt with your lies, hatefulness, lack of interest, no affection, “slight cheating”, and just being transparent to you. I am now the most ugly girl in the world and I have someone who could care less about me. I stay because I love you. I stay because still after all this… I feel like I don’t have enough reason to leave. I stay because there’s no one else who could possibly replace you. And finally, I stay because you have taken up FOUR years of my life and I can never get those back. Why waste the time when we have made it this long?
And all that still isn’t the worse of it….
Tomorrow I am committing to changing myself. I am going to change myself for YOU! Not for me like it’s supposed to be. This is my experiment. I am doing numerous things to change. Let’s see how long it takes you to notice. All these things are things I want, but it’s ridiculous that it’s mostly finally getting done because I want to see if you even notice.
Alrighty, first thing first…. I no longer will be talking about myself at all. You don’t ask how my life is anymore not even how I am, therefore, I will tell. Even if you ever do ask…. I’ll dodge it. I’m coloring my hair tomorrow, wonder if you’ll notice I’m going to be a red head. Wonder if you became color blind? Not like you’d tell me if ya did. Next, I will be dropping a massive amount of weight. Yeah, I know I really don’t ‘need’ to. I’m no where near overweight, but if you remember correctly I hate my hourglass figure. So what if my stomach is flat?! These curves and boobs so need to go. In a couple of months I will be getting that tattoo for my mom, remember? Not really sure you were listening, but let’s see how long it takes ya to find it. And finally. I told you tonight that I could be moving. If you don’t notice all these things or ask me about my damn day once…. I am moving. I already go to school hours away… where I would live is approximately 10 hours away. Will ya notice I’m even gone or have I became so transparent that you’ve just got use to the thought.
If you want to know why I am doing this…. You were perfect. Absolutely perfect. More than I could ever have wanted. You’ve been in the dark for so long and I have tried and tried to bring you into the light. The other day you went as far as putting your hands on me. I found your perfect hand print on my ass. That’s too far. I know you have apologized and promised you did not mean to. I’m apologizing now. You are so dark that you can’t even see you’re hurting me. This is your chance to help yourself. I hope very much that you can. I love you. You gave me the best two years of my life. Please come into light.