You are a jerk, sometimes. You really are. And inconsiderate, and boyish, and just so….UGH. But I still like you. You are in no way good for me, but I like the way you look at me when it’s just us. I love your hugs, I really like your crooked smile, and I really really like that when I was crying, you were there. I like talking to you, I like being with you, and I just. I like you. I don’t want to, but I do. I’ve heard bad things about you, and the way you fuck with people. I’ve heard things you’ve said to others, especially my friends. None of my friends think you’re all that terrible, they just don’t want me to be with you. I’m torn, because I do and I don’t. I don’t because you rejected me pretty hard, and you’re not all that considerate towards how I still feel. Probably because you don’t know how I feel. But I really do. I want to hold hands with you. I want to sit next to you and just talk. I want to get coffee, and go ice skating, and go rollerskating, and I want you to come over and we just make cookies. No, that’s not a euphemism. I want to go for a walk with you. I want to hang out on the swingset. I want you to give me all of your favorite bands so I can listen to them. I want to see the inside of your house. I want to go hang downtown. I want to go driving. I want to lay out in the field behind my house and just watch the stars come out. I want to go for a bike ride to no where. I want to go on a walk with no destination. I want to dance in the rain with you. I want to watch a movie with you. Specifically your favorite one. I want to sing along to the radio with you. I want to dance with you. I want to take a nap with you. I want to sit there, right next to each other, in comfortable silence because we don’t need to say a word. I want the cute couple thing. I want all of that WITH YOU. But you made it very clear that that’s not what you want. So i’m going to back off, I’m going to unlike you, and I’m going to be friends. Just friends.
I like you, honey. I really do. And I wish that you liked me back. I wish that we could just be the couple that lasts forever. I want to spend all night on the phone with you, just talking, neither one of us falling asleep because we want to talk to the other one. I want to spend time together, just us two. But that is never going to happen. I’ve accepted it. And wishing for it isn’t going t make it happen. Telling you how I really feel isn’t going to change anything, and just might make it worse. And I don’t want to lose you as a friend. So I’m going to lie to you, and pretend like I don’t care that you don’t want to talk to me, and I’m going to pretend that I don’t care when you don’t text me back, and I’m going to pretend that it doesn’t hurt everything I see you hugging another girl (you do that a LOT, by the way. Did you know?)
So goodbye to the us we could have been. See you on the other side, lovie.