I know this is completely against the rules I set for us, but if you stumble upon this by some uncommon coincidence, then you deserve to know how very much I miss you. This is already so much more difficult than I anticipated. I have planned on you for years.
Tonight I’m lying in my bed that’s not my bed with my dog that’s not my dog and the list of things I will never see the same is growing longer than I can really conprehend so far. I miss you. But I swear I won’t ruin this for you. I won’t pull you back in like I have before, even though I want to.
You deserve to be free.
You deserve more love than I can give you.
You deserve forever.
I love you. And I wish I could siphon myself into another human being so I could be the friend you’ll need to help you through all this. Because i can’t help you as hannah. I’ve only caused you pain. I wish I could fix it.