• The hurt that doesn’t heal

    by  • March 17, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 0 Comments

    I love you so, so much.

    We only had a blissful few months together. But I had such an instant attraction to you, that it was almost frightening.

    You, with your beautiful, strong, manly jawline. Your softness. Your care and concern for others. Your grace, your boyishness.

    You told me you didn’t know how much he needed you when you started putting the break-up wheels into motion. Why couldn’t I tell you at that point how much I needed you? Would that have made a difference?

    You said I could be your teacher in life. That touched me deeply; I thought it was so sweet.

    It happened nearly 18 months ago. It happened again about 6 months ago. You did leave him, eventually, but not for me, but for your new boyfriend. If you knew the relationship was doomed, why couldn’t you come to me? Why can’t I let the perfectly sensible choice you made, to not jump into another relationship, cement itself in my understanding? How on earth can I still think about you every day, if not every hour?

    I thought I would get my Masters. You would have gotten your license to practice medicine. We would have been together in a country that recognizes our beautiful union and start planning our future together; plan our family. We both wanted this.

    Instead, here I am, alone, on another Saturday night. I’m trying; I really am. My circumstances are not just out of choice. I try to improve my life, I try to make positive choices, I try to get back in the game.

    You told me that I’m always on the back of your mind. You even told the new one about me. Why would you do that, and why would you tell me that you shared that with your new boyfriend?

    I will get through this. I have to, and I will.

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