• Reality

    by  • March 17, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Moving On • 4 Comments

    If you read this, you’d probably know who you are. You were my first love, but you were oh so much more than that. You taught me what it was to love, to feel my heart break, to hate, to envy, to regret, to wish, to hold back tears, and to contain my varying emotions. You showed me that I was not always going to be able to control the outcome of situations, or relationships. Sometimes people change. But that’s life- most things aren’t going to work out the way you dreamed.

    Sometimes I think about old times, how I used to get butterflies every time you smiled at me. The touch of your hands on mine. Your smell. And your eyes. So much was shared between us. You were my closest friend, I told you everything. Then you left. And I was alone, with a hole in my heart where you used to be. I kept you there, in my heart, for years. I found myself constantly replaying our memories together, though they brought me pain.

    I still think about you from time to time. I wonder how you’ve changed. I wonder if you ever think about me. And I wonder if I meant as much to you as you did to me. I guess I will never know, but for some reason, I am okay with that. Things happened the way they were meant to. Not everything in life has a simply explanation. All I can do is accept what happened between us- the good and the bad. I believe that I am a stronger person because of it.

    I still love you in a way. I’m sure that I always will.

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    4 Responses to Reality

    1. Stargirl
      March 17, 2012 at 7:03 am

      but what if i don’t want you to move on?
      what if i want you to come back?




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    2. Enjay
      March 17, 2012 at 12:51 pm

      “If you read this, you’d probably know who you are.”

      Actually, it’s fairly vague. The only real narrowing points I could find were “my first love” and “years”, though the latter did rule me out as being the addressee. Just thought I’d point that out.

      And Stargirl does have a point to some extent, though it also depends on the situation.




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    3. Hurt
      March 17, 2012 at 4:43 pm

      I’ve recently went through a similar ordeal. Please don’t tell me I’ll never get over him. It’s tearing me up inside.




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    4. Enjay
      March 18, 2012 at 3:44 am

      @Hurt
      Wounds of the heart are difficult to heal, but they DO heal with time. Just like a deep cut, it will scab over and change from a sharp, biting pain to a throbbing ache for some time before ceasing to hurt altogether. But when the scab retreats, it often leaves behind a scar — a bitter reminder of the wound inflicted.

      You will find love and you will leave the part of you that hurts for him behind, but you might never forget where you are right now. And perhaps you shouldn’t, because it can make you stronger; help you grow and aid in the development of a character that will draw your future husband to you and pave the way for a more blissful road. Never give up on that hope.




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