Two months. That’s how long it’s been since we’ve spoken.
And it’s not because we hate each other. It’s not because you’re a bad man and I needed to get away. It’s not because you were a bad friend. It’s not because of anything horrible. We stopped speaking because I couldn’t handle being in love with my best friend. It’s because every time I held hope in my heart, and you said something that reminded me you still didn’t love me, my heart would break all over again. I tried so hard to stop loving you but I just couldn’t do it.
I grew tired of waiting for you to come around. You told me that I was the nicest girl you’ve ever met. You told me you’re probably never going to find someone like me for the rest of your life. You told me you cared about me, and loved me. But somehow none of that was enough. You told me that you were attracted to me and that you would be able to sleep with me casually. but of course you didn’t want a relationship. You value your independence too much. You didn’t want to break my heart.. blah blah blah.
I love you. I always will. I care about you. I always will. but i’m so glad I stopped talking to you. it’s like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. It’s easier to not love you when you’re not talking to me. It’s easy to not wonder how your day was when you don’t tell me about it. Don’t get me wrong. the first two weeks of silence were horrible. I cried almost everyday. I was so incredibly sad. I felt like I lost my best friend but i needed to do it.
I needed to allow myself to let go because I was hurting too much by holding on.
And now my life is so much different. I met a man who is willing to take a risk with me. A man who makes me laugh, and smile. A man who respects me enough to not sleep with me even though we’ve been dating for awhile. A man who cares about me and recognizes that i’m important. I found in him what I was looking for with you. And I’m not even sure if he’s the one. I’m not sure if I’m in love with him. but I know i care about him and I like him and for now that is enough.
Thank you for your silence. Thank you for allowing me to move on. Thank you for caring enough about me to not reel me in again. I’ve moved on. I’m happy. and I hope you are too. I hope your life is going well.
I miss you. I just want to tell you that my life has been so great. A part of me wishes I could just call you up and tell you all about it. But i’m afraid if i call you i’ll get sucked back in and i just can’t do that. Maybe years from now I’ll give you a call and we can catch up.