Well fuck. I’ve hit a point in my life where I can literally say “I hate my life.” Fun fact, my mom used to say this a lot when she was really depressed and I would often get really mad at her for saying it. I now understand what she meant.
I don’t hate my family, or the people that love me or anything like that.
I hate the fact that I have head aches; that I’ve had these head aches every single day since Thanksgiving.
I hate that I had to quit my job before they could fire me for missing so many days due to my head aches.
I hate that in less than 3 months, I’ve racked in over 1000 dollars in doctors visits alone.
I hate that I’m in always in pain, and when my medicine wasn’t good enough, I turned to heroin.
I hate that I had to lie to the people closest to me because of heroin.
The thing that I hate the most though, is losing him.
I found him right before everything went to shit, and through all of this, he’s been here for it.
And now he’s leaving.
He’s leaving and I can’t follow him. When everything turned to shit, I had one definite thing to smile about, and it’s leaving.
Fuck, this is terribly worded but this is just everything running around in my head and if I don’t get it out I’m going to scream. I’m going to miss him so god damn much. He finally told me he loved me, I knew long before he said it that he did but he finally said it to my face.
I don’t know what I’m going to do without him. I don’t want to BE without him. Fuck. I hate my life.