• To My Childhood Self,

    by  • March 15, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Inspiration • 1 Comment

    Please don’t worry so much. Can’t you see how great you are? Yes, it hurts, but believe me it gets better. I’m so sad you think that it’s because you’re fat. You are only 10 years old. I wish you would talk to someone, instead of keeping everything bottled up. I wish you didn’t understand so much, where did your innocence go? I wish you could see how smart and fun you are. I wish you could see how much people love you, and not focus on the ones who don’t like you because you stood up for yourself. You’re so kind, but you’re becoming bitter… You’re a teenager now. You’re quick witted and wise beyond your years. Why don’t you listen when she says your wonderful? Stop! Don’t hide your intelligence, don’t hide your passion, don’t hide your emotions. Sweetie, why do you hurt so much? Why won’t you let someone share your burden? No, losing weight won’t help solve the problem. Look at you! You’re glowing on the first day of high school- I hope you remember that feeling forever…I’m sorry things didn’t turn out how you wanted. You’re realizing again how much people suck. Would you eat something, please? I’m sorry nothing seems to be going right. I’m sorry they lied to you. Honey, nobody wants you to be perfect, why do you expect that from yourself? You still have that sweet spirit in there somewhere though, you’re willing to try one more time. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. You are not responsible for their happiness. Please listen to me, life is not about living to the next meal. Don’t stuff everything in, don’t lie about how you’re feeling. Is this where you lost yourself? When you lied to yourself so much it became easy to just lie to others? You can only pretend that you’re okay for a little while. They shouldn’t have done that to you. Taken your deepest shame and made it an open book. But can’t you see, you scared them. I understand you don’t want to change. You still think you can stop the monster before it stops you. Baby, I’m sorry you felt so alone. I know how you felt, standing in a room full of people still convinced they only liked you because you were thin. I’m sorry you’ve given up on people. I’m sorry you’ve given up on a lot. I wish you could see how much you ooze with potentional, so much so even strangers can see it. Years have gone by since then, and still you have no trust, the monster will become you- that sweetness is almost completely gone. I hope you see how amazing you are, how beautiful and courageous you can be. Don’t push anymore,
    Love,
    Me

    One Response to To My Childhood Self,

    1. ***
      March 16, 2012 at 7:52 am

      i LOVE this. i feel like i could have written this word for word to myself when i was younger, all the way through highschool. it’s funny how much we learn, and how far we have come that we are able to realize where we went wrong. luckily, we can start learning from our mistakes.

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