• 5 years

    by  • March 15, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Confusion • 0 Comments

    It’s been 5 years. I still can’t get you out of my mind. You occupy my thoughts while I’m awake, while I’m asleep- you never leave me alone. And yet 5 years ago, I couldn’t get you to commit to having a relationship with me. Whether you were too scared or “too cool”, I guess I’ll never know, but it hurt nonetheless.

    And every time I gave up, told you I had had enough, that’s when you charmed me, gave me hope- that maybe we could give “this” a try. We never really ever tried though. Well I tried. And when I finally moved on, that’s when you BEGGED for me. It was what I had wanted that whole year, for you to say that you really wanted me, you’d been an idiot, you really liked me, etc. but I actually had the self control to say no and mean it for the first time.

    And moved on is what I did, until I found out you were seeing someone else, and finally became official.. for almost 3 years. It ate at me. I just couldn’t, and still can’t, comprehend why you could be with her so quickly and easily, and it took a year for you to admit you really wanted me. And now you’re single, and I’m no longer in the area, but you’re still haunting me.

    My best friend told me you’ve been talking about me. Saying you think I’m beautiful and wonderful, and that someday I’ll marry you. It’s not fair. Why now? I thought I had myself convinced I no longer cared about you, but the 17 year old in me is ecstatic and relieved that you still think about me too.

    I think that I may have been in love with you all those years ago. I have never felt so vulnerable and excited around anyone else, before or since you. The moment I first saw you was one I will never forget, specifically because of the feeling I felt. That’s how I know how I feel. That’s what makes me wonder if maybe I will give in to this curiosity, and see you again..

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