Dear Silly Boy,
I’ve always wanted to write you a letter. I have several started, but none of them really say what needs to be said. It’s filled with gush, and bullshit. It’s just about how much I want you, how much I need to know how you are. There’s no demands, no mention of me or how I feel. It’s all about you, and it’s always been that way. I don’t really expect it to change. I admit, that’s my fault. I shouldn’t have let you think I was so easy to walk on. If I change now, it’ll turn you away. I know that you don’t like domineering girls, at least anywhere out of the bedroom. I just wanted you to know what I have done for you, and then what you’ve done to me. For you, I have dropped out of school. I have blown off plans with a million other people. I’ve given up on other guys, that I have a future with. I get up at 4:00 AM just in case you can hang before work. I don’t eat, because I don’t want to seem bloated around you. I have flat out degraded myself sexually, because it’s what you like, I have jeopardized friendships with our mutual friends. I have kept us a secret. I have bought you drugs. I have NEVER asked you for anything. I come down to your hangout on your request, no matter what I’m doing. I have never asked you for a committed relationship. I think I’ve done my fair share to make whatever we have work.
Do you know what you’ve done for me?
You’ve not talked to me for weeks, without telling me why. It gave me a lot of time to think about how ugly I am, and how if I could only eat less and move more you would love me. You’ve given me motivation to turn on girls even more. I can’t even talk to all my friends that you’ve slept with anymore. I mean sure a quick “hello, how’re you?” I can swing, but much else and I can’t handle it. You’ve made me feel so horrible about my intelligence in everything from music to food, that I’m severely turned off of both. I don’t know any way to put it, except that you have tormented me.
It’s not fair to say you’ve done only bad. You actually think I’m pretty when I show up with no make up, and no shower. You’ve taught me all the best hangouts. And you’ve introduced me to some pretty cool people, people I’m hoping I can have a friendship with. You know what I just realized? Even this letter is all about you. Just like my life. But I’m not going to let you run my life anymore. I’m not going to feel so horrible I can’t get out of bed because I didn’t answer your text quick enough.
I want one more night with you, and then I’m done with you.