I don’t 100% know exactly why I think you deserve all of this explanation, but I guess since ignoring you and then being mean to you didn’t work, it’s my last option. That said, I’m honestly not sure if you’re trying to fuck with me or just trying to fuck. If it’s the latter, I’m uninterested because my favorite part about our arrangement was that it was exclusive, and despite the fact that that then failed, I wouldn’t do a friends with benefits arrangement without it, but I can’t do an exclusive thing right now because (a) it’s the end of my senior year and I’m enjoying it, and (b) even if being able to hook up with randos doesn’t really matter to me, I’ve been seeing someone and wouldn’t drop someone with a soul just because you’re bad at getting ass when left on your own. Also, you never, ever gave me an orgasm. Needless to say, I can do better. If it’s the former, then please just don’t bother unless you have something radically new to say – in which case I’d love to hear it simply because I can’t imagine what it would be; you’ve pulled every line and every trick and looking back at my behavior, I’m shocked at myself. What kind of girl lets herself keep walking back into a mess like you? If you want to mock me for what I’ve said, feel free to reference any number of girl power-type songs or gaudy Lisa Frank stickers. Whatever. They exist for a reason.
As a reminder, this email comes only because I would really like for you to leave me in peace, so no response necessary – and don’t approach me again out (at [bar name], e.g.). It’s awkward for all parties. If you keep bothering me, I’m going to start sleeping with your friends. Mine know better than to allow you to reciprocate…actually, I’ve heard that you’ve already had to deal with that.
Kindly fuck off,