I’m having another one of those days. You know, the ones where you are on my mind constantly and I have to fight the urge to pick up the phone and call you. The ones where a hand reaches into my chest and squeezes my heart.
This beautiful spring weather is bringing back memories. About a year ago you got back in contact with me. My heart literally stopped for a moment when you did that. I dared to hope you would stay. But you didn’t. And here I am, trying not to feel the way I did before you came back. I’m fighting so hard.
Memories… Lunches over spring break. Nearly every day. Drives to nowhere in the evenings. Long nights on video calls. A short motorcycle ride. Walks in the wooded areas of the city parks. Your smile. Stolen kisses. Brief touches that set me on fire. One morning in September. A tattoo I never got a chance to show you. But it was that day, and it was for you.
Do you remember what I wrote in your yearbook in 9th grade? “No regrets.” Ironic, since every regret I’ve had since then has been for you. Regret that I walked away from the life we should have had together. Regret that no matter what I have done the last couple years, you won’t stay.
Even now, love, I mean everything I said to you. I love you. I want you back. I am waiting.
With infinite patience,
your (broken but in repair) goddess