These past few days – weeks maybe – have been utterly terrifying. The ups, downs, sideways, up days, low days – everything has been so crazy. How was I to know that all the crazy (the distance and the unhappiness) would lead to something so big?
March 10. We should add this day to April 3. On this day, we ended and became you and I. I can’t believe what I was thinking. How could we even mutually agree to go from we and us to you and me? I can’t stop thinking about you and it’s a total cliche, but it’s true. The hollowness, the emptiness – something like that could never ever be replicated in poetry or words no matter how hard people try.
Funny thing is, after all the crying and pain, you and me ended up being we again. I’ll never admit this to you, but the ‘we’ that is now is not the ‘we’ from before. Something’s changed, so small and minute that I can’t even describe what it is. But, it’s there. The atmosphere and the feel of ‘us’ is different.
I suppose it’s a realization that the end is coming. The inevitable. We will have to go our separate ways. Or is thinking this way just a self-fulfilling prophecy? There’s so much uncertainty in the air, and so little we can do.
Despite all of that, I still love you so much. I blind myself with it. I still trust and hope so much. Is this naivete or stupidity?
You wanted change, dear love. It’s happening, and I don’t know if we’ll make it. I just know that the innocence is lost. The ‘we’ has become jade. All I can do is hope and trust in you, in me, in us because this is a fight that’s worth fighting for. We are worth fighting for.
I love you.