College. It’s great really, with all the freedom and fun that seems to never end. But like almost everything, the rewards are equal to the consequences. I’m not talking about the drinking, smoking, or sex having: I stopped all that once I got here. I’m talking about how, even though I have so much opportunity now, I miss you, my best friend from high school, infinitely more than anyone else in my life. You dated one of my other best friends for a long time up until a little ways through the first semester of college, but what he felt for you has no comparison for what I do for you..
I was the one always there for you. I was the one answering the phone at 2:30 in the morning and talking you down from any doubts that you had. I was the one who took you out to dinner just to talk, asking for nothing in return. I was the one who would write you silly poems to try and make your day even just a little bit better. I was the guy you relied on to prop you up for so long, to make you feel good about yourself, to be there for you whenever you needed someone.
I’ve made it painfully obvious that I like you. And what do I get in return? An offer that, if we’re single at 30, we would get married. And that’s fine, if you don’t want a relationship from me now that’s perfectly fine and reasonable. But it’s like I’m the last person you ever want to end up with when you say that, and that hurts more than you can ever know. And if that’s the case, then all I do for you needs to end. Why? Well, as long as you give me even the CHANCE to ever end up with you, I know I will never allow myself to get this close to someone else. But I can’t let myself sacrifice precious years of my life, especially through college, waiting for you.
It’s not going to be easy for me to do this: I love you more than anyone in my life. All the hours we talk and spend together are going to be critically missed, but I can not let myself pretend any longer that you are ever going to feel the same way I do. At this conclusion, the things I lose are seemingly innumerable: My trusting companion, my dinner date, my home away from home, my foundation in life, my greatest friend, and my life’s love.
This is going to be the most emotional and heart wrenching decision of my life up to this point, one I hope I will never have to make again with anybody else for as long as I live. But I can’t live with the constant emptiness and silent heartbreak anymore. I’m ready for a serious relationship with someone I truly love, and I am phenomenally saddened that the girl I currently imagine my future with won’t be the one by side at the altar someday.
I have to let you go. I need to let you go. But I will never forget how you make me feel, and I just hope you realize someday that the love I have for you would have made you the happiest woman alive for as long as you lived. Take care. Good luck. But this is goodbye.