I was normally a happy person. Outgoing, bubbly, life of the party girl. I was the one out of my friends who was crazy, wild, not afraid of anything. “Free-spirit” is what everyone called me.
It’s not that I want to die. I just don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t want to be this person anymore. I wanna go home. I wanna feel human, young and alive again. I feel nauseous all the time. I’m stressed and I can’t sleep. I can feel it taking a physical toll on me. The only place where I feel like myself is the gym. Running makes it all go away when I have to focus on the burning in my legs instead of the emptiness inside of me.
I have an idea of what happened. I came here with no comforts at all. I knew no one, it is a big place whereas I had grown up in a small town. i was confident. I was supposed to be strong. I was supposed to be able to deal living so far away from home.
I think I’m depressed now. I hate my program. I don’t hate the school and the people necessarily, I’m just not happy here. And its embarrassing because I was so sure of myself that this was the perfect school and I was going to excel in such a prestigious place.
Now I just want to go home. I haven’t been this unhappy in a long time. I feel like I have no one who understands how I feel. Everyone else seems to love it here and I just don’t. I want to be somewhere where I actually feel like myself. Right now I just feel like a shell of a girl. Empty.
Honestly, never in a million years thought I would be that girl who went to school having a boyfriend. Somehow it happened. I fell in love and I never want to leave him. It’s just so hard being away. I miss him so much and the two of us aren’t good with phone calls and texts. I’m so awkward I just like physical in person contact. It’s not helping
3 more weeks of this…