It hurts just as badly every time. The pain doesn’t dull, not that feeling of betrayal. The moment of sick realization. That deep click when things add up; stacked against you. When you realize it doesn’t matter anymore, you have to let him slip through your consciousness. All the beating hearts, smiles, laughter.
All the stories, days spent in your arms. Your burdens, your dreams. All those lies; enough to break me. How could you? How can you? I miss mornings spent laughing. I miss feeling at home for the first time in months. I miss feeling my heart lift.. I swear it almost burst. Those brown eyes. Those inked arms. Forget it.
Forgive, forget. How can you forgive a man you loved? In fact, not a man, a boy.. Breaks my heart then in the same breath blames me. The blame game, our go-to game. You can’t accept the truth. Can’t accept what you did to me, what you continue to do. For that I thank you.
Thank you for leaving, for stopping your inflicted pain. When the tears outweigh the joy it’s time to go. When someone shows you who they really are; believe it. He never chased me, just assumed I was his. You are no gift, are you blind?
And now I have to see you with her…and her… and her. Cheap, self glorified whore.
You’ve given me no reason to forgive. No sorry, no explanation. Nothing, you’re just gone.
But thank you.. you finally gave me the strength to leave… To leave you, this town, this life set out for me by my parents. I’m leaving. And for that, and that alone, you were worth the sleepless nights.