• Love Is All

    by  • March 11, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Yearning • 0 Comments

    I used to have no feelings. I was an empty shell.

    After rape, after heartbreak, after cheating, lying, manipulating, mental abuse, physical abuse, drug use, alcohol abuse…

    I am only 20.

    That young ripe age, but I am so tired.
    I am tired of the immature, selfish, no good actions of my past.

    And I live and breathe in an entirely new way:
    To help others.
    To ease suffering and pain.
    To save lives.
    To be the person God intends me to.

    So why am I sitting here wondering why the boy I opened up to and slept with almost two full days ago has not bothered to speak to me since?

    Why can I not grasp the reality that people suck. I mean downright SUCK.
    They are not always good, thoughtful, and caring like I envision them to be.
    I have been brought so much pain at the hands of others but I swear I have the memory of a gnat.

    I have so much love to give. To the whole world! And I can’t give it because of what the world has done to me.

    I was told once by a complete stranger on our first and only encounter that God is waiting to give me so many beautiful things…if only I walk towards him.

    I admit I don’t do enough. I am scared. I want a beautiful life, family.
    How do I let myself have that?

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