• You.

    by  • March 10, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 2 Comments

    I wonder if you’re happy now. I wonder if you’re happier now that you’ve ruined my life, left me alone in the dark, while you let your skewed, self-centered, untrue story out into the world like I was the one who ruined your life.

    I hope you’re happy now. I hope you’re happy despite the very public suicide attempt, the very public outbursts of tears and suicidal tendencies, the very public abuse you hurled at me behind my back.

    I hope you’re happy that your friends throw me dirty looks and glares every time they see me, and mine are now your friends too. I hope you’re happy that my friends would rather let you say all the mean things you want without defending me, and our acquaintances join in the abuse unwittingly sometimes because they don’t know the full story.

    I hope you’re happy with all the attention you’re getting, I hope you’re happy you outed me, I hope you’re happy you shoved me straight into the depression I spent years climbing out of.

    I hope you’re happy with the cuts on my arms, my thighs, my hips. I hope you’re happy with the nights I took too many pills on purpose. I hope you’re happy that while everyone is patting your poor wounded heart, I wake up in the mornings to plaster on a brave smile and pretend that all the “last nights” didn’t happen, that I never cried myself to sleep, brand myself with blades and knives, stood at the window waiting for the moment I have enough courage to finish it.

    I hope you’re happy, I truly do, because I have your girlfriend now, she’s mine. I hope you’re happy you drove away the person you loved so much because you just couldn’t get a hold on yourself. I hope you’re happy you made our lives miserable for so long we finally realized that we couldn’t care less what the world thinks anymore.

    But most of all, I hope you’re happy, truly happy, one day, because you’ve finally moved on. I hope you find peace.

    2 Responses to You.

    1. sandra
      March 10, 2012 at 12:32 pm

      As a person who’s went through suicidal tendancies, depression and pyschosis I want to give you some advice. I went through a really bad friendship that completely made me feel dead inside. It was heartbreaking and put an immense emotional toll on me. However, I do not blame her one bit. Would I like to continue that friendship? No. But I’ve learned that you cannot blame anyone for your suicidal tendancies, or because you’re depressed…that is all chemical and not your fault either. Still, blaming people I think is a coping mechanism. You’re so angry and upset,and feeling so alone, that the best thing you can do is grasp onto whatever you feel at the time. Sure I don’t know your whole story. And I’m sure the person you are speaking of has caused immense pain and harmed you. But ulimately you decide how you feel. You can either let this get to you, or leap forward. I wish you the best and a happy recovery!

    2. OP
      March 10, 2012 at 7:54 pm

      Thanks sandra. I’m better now, and I’m completely honest when I say that I hope she’s happy. I know I’ll be fine one day, I’ve fought this before and I will again. (:

    Leave a Reply