• Its on you

    by  • March 10, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Anger • 0 Comments

    I have been here, with our beautiful children, while you’ve been off finishing your degree. And that would be fine. But waiting until you’re gone to tell me you won’t be coming back to our house is not fine. I am MORE than willing to work on our marriage! I’m doing everything I can think of, and then some! And you just brush it off. Fine. I get it. You don’t think of US anymore. You think of YOU.

    When you come home and move in with your sister, how do you think our kids are going to take it? Princess is ALL TOO AWARE of divorce. And she’s so sure that won’t happen to her! Yes, it is happening TO HER and HER BROTHERS! And it’s on you. All the pain you are causing our family and are going to cause our family is on you! Princess and Thumbsucker are going to be devastated. Little man will probably be ok. He’s used to you not being around as it is, and even when you are home YOU’RE NOT HOME! That damn game has got your attention constantly! You haven’t TRIED to talk to me in months!

    Did you know that if a parent is absent before a child is 18months old if harms the bonding? I didn’t either, but it’s true. Baby boy sees my brother (MY FREAKING ALCOHOLIC DRUGGIE BROTHER!!!) and runs up to him for hugs! Do you think he’ll do that for you? I don’t, I’m sorry to say. You’ve been gone almost 2 months now. If it weren’t for Skype, I don’t know that Little man would even recognize you.

    I stood by you for 12 years! No, I wasn’t the perfect wife. Not by a long shot. And I see that now. I see my sins and the hurt I caused you. I am CHANGED. I don’t know that I could be the same person. Even if I tried. You have destroyed me!

    You are having an affair on your family. Not with another woman. With your schoolwork. That is all you think of. You are NOT putting us first. And with our marriage the way it is! You may think you are trying to give us a better future, but how is that future going to be better if you aren’t in it for the kids? You’ll get them every other weekend and a couple weeks in the summer if you’re lucky. They won’t know you. Especially the littles.

    You are taking away their future for a whole family! YOU! I’m willing to put in the work! I’ll talk to you for hours on end to figure stuff out! I’ll move to TIMBUKTU if that is what you want!

    I love you more than anything, even through all this pain you are causing and are going to cause.

    I stood by you for your schooling, now (whether you like it or not) you are going to support me in my schooling. All of it. I need to be able to provide for our kids and I can’t do that without my education. I didn’t go to school these past 12 years because YOU DIDN’T WANT ME TO. Now I have to, and can be sure you are going to help. One way or another.

    You know, even if you had had 20 affairs, I would still have taken you back if you were truly sorry and made changes to stop it from happening again. I’d still take you back now. There would have to be a lot of changes in the both of us. It wouldn’t be easy, but I’d be willing.

    I’ve put control of this whole God’s hand. He has complete control. And I’ll be fine no matter what, because I have Him. The kids will be fine as well.

    Just look around you, you see divorced families everywhere. Those kids seem well-adjusted, right? Not self-destructive at all. They don’t blame themselves for their parents’ divorce. No, they are just fine. Not going to have trust issues with their future spouses. They won’t end up divorced and miserable. No. They’ll be fine. Just keep telling yourself that. Maybe one day you’ll believe it.

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