• You should know…

    by  • March 9, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Thinking of you • 1 Comment

    You should know that you came back into my mind when I started meditating. A bizarre side effect of heightened consciousness, I’m sure. I had stuffed you down so deep inside of my skin that I couldn’t even feel you anymore. Then after meditating for two months, you came rushing back into my life like it was yesterday. I remember how your hair felt, how your voice sounded, how I knew where every freckle was on your face and how I counted them every time you fell asleep. I miss you so much now that I ache. I remember times spent in our park spinning or sitting silently on our bench. You walked me back into the woods once where you had found a solitary white rose that you said had reminded me of you. I remember how there were times when we would nap together and I couldn’t tell my body from yours. You let go first…started drifting away. I had no pride and practically begged you to stay. And then when you came back a few weeks later, I had already built up my walls against you. I was angry with you for pulling away; you had lied to me and I didn’t know how to reconcile that person with the one I felt was my own. It was a hard lesson and one I wish I had never learned. I felt like I knew your soul…..like you were a part of me. I felt betrayed by a part of myself. You used to tell me that “Shakespeare In Love” was our story. I was never much into those types of movies but I always agreed to humor you. We used to watch it together but I was never too good at paying attention to movies around you because I was so distracted by your lips and your skin and the light that flickered off of your dark blue eyes. I saw a clip of it today and I felt so lost and so hopelessly confused about what to do with these feelings I carry for you now. Remember when I used to trace my fingers on your back and you’d fall asleep? I wish I could do that tonight. I miss you so… Who knew that a simple act of meditation intended to decrease anxiety would lead me back to you? I thought I was supposed to *evolve*…not step backwards towards someone I don’t even know anymore.

    One Response to You should know…

    1. Sara
      March 10, 2012 at 2:18 pm

      Thank you for sharing. This was beautiful.

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