My dearest Andrew,
There was a time when I would’ve said that I have always loved you the way I do, a time when I would’ve convinced myself that this is just the middle of the fairytale and the happy ending is just around the corner, but it’s simply not true. Fairytales are not real and happily-ever-after is just a myth. This is real life, and I want to tell you how I really feel.
I won’t pretend I fell in love with you at 14 or some other nonsense. That was a simple high school crush from the days when I thought you had no faults and the world revolved around you; well, maybe just my world. No, I fell in love with you the day you told me that I was invaluable to you and you simply couldn’t do without me, and in that moment I realized I could never do without you either. Or maybe it was the first time I heard you tell someone that I’m your best friend, or the first time you “tricked” me into a McDonald’s run. Perhaps it was when you sent me to the club with your cell phone so I would stay safe, or the day we accidentally wore matching sweaters, or the day you agreed to be my roommate.
Maybe it was all of those moments, maybe it wasn’t any of them, and I’m not exactly sure. But what I do know is that when I unwrapped that Shakespeare set you got me for Christmas, and you said to me “I’ve been looking for months for an antique set for you, but this was the best I could do” I just about cried, because in that moment I knew that I loved you so much that I would give almost anything to have you love me back.
I have been so lonely since I moved back home, I miss quiet nights spent watching TV and debating about Batman, Spiderman, Star Wars, etc. instead of writing papers like I should’ve been. Those were some of the happiest moments of my life.
You know, sometimes words just can’t describe the way someone makes you feel, because there are seven billion people in the world and I still want you. I think it’s the way you make me laugh when I don’t even want to smile. Sometimes you just have to be with the person who makes you smile, even if it means waiting. So I am waiting, and I miss you; but missing someone is not about how long it’s been since you’ve seen them last or how long it’s been since you have talked, it’s that moment when you are doing something and you wish they were right there with you.
I always am wishing you are with me because everything I do makes me think of something we’ve done or something we’ve talked about doing. I often wonder what your kisses taste like and how the hair at the nape of your neck would feel beneath my fingertips. Sad, pointless imaginings that make me feel like my heart is breaking. It’s silly isn’t it? A hopelessly romantic girl, sitting alone in her bed, writing love letters to a boy who will never read them, will never lover her. Sometimes I feel like without you my whole world would come to a screeching halt, but it never does. Sadly life goes on, and I always survive because you have taught me how to be strong.
I have learned that if you can’t get someone out of your head, maybe they are supposed to be there and to never give up on someone you cannot go a day without thinking about. I am always thinking of you and I am not giving up, so trust me when I say “I love you” because I will always mean it. I do not care about the distance; I just care about you, so take a chance, because you never know just how perfect we could turn out to be. Truly, who could possibly be better for me than the one person who knows every single thing about me and still thinks I’m wonderful, kind and beautiful? No one, that’s who, you are what’s best for me.
Just so you know, without a doubt in the world: you are the smile I never tire of seeing and the conversation I look forward to every day. You are the silly moments that mean the world to me and the dreams that fill my mind when I sleep. You may not be perfect, but you are everything to me. You are all I have ever wanted and all I will ever need. So look after my heart, I’m leaving it with you.
You have my love, my darling Andrew, and all of the pieces of my heart and soul that I can muster. I remain yours.
I love you.