This is going to be my last letter to you, one which I wish I knew how to say to you “in real life,” but until then I’ll only be able to post it here with the nearly impossible chance that you’d see it and realize it’s for you…
I’ll never truly be able to know whether or not you have been lying, no matter what you say about the situation. You can tell me all you want that you aren’t and that you’d do anything you could to show me if/when our time came around, but the problem is that I will always wonder what really happened as you and I both know that there’s no real way for me to ever find out the truth no matter which way the story really went, and based on certain events that happened I wouldn’t be surprised to find you’re using that to your advantage.
As much as I’ve had feelings for you for several years, I don’t believe that I could really be 100% happy with you and I could only come as close as possible without that last little bit hanging over me. This whole mess would undoubtedly be lingering in my mind for however long it would, which would only cause a strain on whatever could be between us.
It’s really a shame that you made the choices you did, acted on them, and were selfish enough to avoid thinking about how it could effect anyone other than yourself. I’ve come to find that you only prove yourself to be less and less of who I thought you were all these years. I’m so incredibly disappointed in you, my misconception of you, and your ability to knowingly do what you’ve done and continued to do for that amount of time that you did. You’re not who I thought you were, you’re not the kind hearted person whom I thought so highly of, and saying that you’ve never been though this doesn’t change the fact that you did it- even if you’re telling the truth. It really means that you actually are “that kind of guy” because you did in fact do it, whether it be only this once or many times before.
When the time comes around that you feel you want to try to pursue more than a friendship with me don’t be surprised if I don’t give in to your attempts. I hope that you’ll realize that you’ve lost someone that you said you could really see a future with, something that could have been great. You’ll discover that I’m the one who got away all because of your selfishness.
You simply should never have started something if you knew that now was not the time to finish it. You should have been more considerate. I wish I could tell you how much of a relief it is to finally find myself nearly over you. I may never be completely over you, but you’re no longer a disruptive daily thought in my mind, making me feel worse about myself than I had been due to so many things before hand.
You mean a lot to me and my family, but you’re really quite the asshole in disguise.