• Life

    by  • March 8, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Loneliness • 0 Comments

    I’m not sure where to begin, I just need to get this off my chest. I want to let you know that you’ve ruined me –you ruined the fact that I don’t think I could ever love again. And when I had the chance to take you back, I freaked out and pushed you away. I’m sorry for that, and now I’m scarred, for life. I’ve tried dating, and I either fall really fast and then push them away, or I just don’t let them in at all. Thanks, asshole. I see how happy you are on facebook, and all I can think about is, “what if that was me. What if I was her. Yep, I still love you and I’m pretty sure I always will. Pathetic. You are not the one that is supposed to fall in love first. I wish I could find someone that makes me happy. I just don’t understand how I can still be hurting. What about the house that we used to talk about? What about the promises that you made, you’d stay with me forever. Or are those just things that people say? How come you were so scared?

    I wish someone loved me. It sucks being lonely. I know my family loves me, but it’s just not the same. I’m standing up in a friends wedding this year, and I look up to their love, I wish I had that. I don’t think I’ve been this depressed in my life.

    I finally graduated from college, something a lot of people doubted I could do, I even doubted myself. And now, it seems like no one cares that I made such an accomplishment. My own parents don’t even want to go to my commencement ceremony. After so much money and hard work, they think I should just skip it. Well you know what, too damn bad. I actually want to get recognized for something!!! I’ve NEVER gotten recognized for ANYTHING in my life. Everyone just seems to forget me.

    I wish I had a job that I went to school for. I feel like employers see my application and without even talking to me, automatically doubt me. Well, fuck, I can obviously do great things, I succeeded in college, didn’t I?

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