• I really needed that A…

    by  • March 8, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Abuse • 18 Comments

    I really needed an A on the final…
    but I knew i did bad as soon as I finished the test
    I emailed my TA to arrange a meeting.
    I knew it was wrong, but i thought, if i gave him a blowjob that he could change my grade.
    So i dressed up skimpy, and went to his office.
    There was no one there, he locked the door
    and i gave him what he wanted.
    But he wanted more, and took everything he wanted by force.
    No one heard me, or came to help.
    He hurt me.

    I got an A on the final for thirty minutes of hell.
    Was it worth it?

    18 Responses to I really needed that A…

    1. DarkHorse
      March 8, 2012 at 2:08 am

      Ask and thou shalt receive…

    2. frosteddahlia
      March 8, 2012 at 5:04 am

      DarkHorse, you’re an asshole. No one ever deserves unwanted sexual contact. You should report him to the police. My only regret is not pressing charges against the man who raped me.

    3. .
      March 8, 2012 at 8:53 am

      What a terrible way to learn a hard lesson of choice. Finding choice leading to abuse. What an asshole and to think we have staff like this on our faculties. Now you are faced with more choices. Life is one after another tagging off constantly. Will you stand up? Will you scream out loud what has transpired in truth and potentially safe the next girl from this choice? Mistake? Or will you think your choice made you deserving of such behavior? Was it worth it? What is worth loosing dignity for? Career, money, power, fame…an A on the road leading us there?

      Tragic! No, even though you initiated and brought yourself INTO this situation, how it evolved was NOT consented and was wrong.
      MORE wrong then you trying to get an A in such wrong way!
      The thing about it is that you have somehow detected, or have even been offered this as an option.
      WRONG WRONG WRONG so very wrong from an adult, a teacher, professor, a person that should GUIDE and not destroy.
      He destroyed a part of you. You are young and dumb and while this may not be a great excuse, at least it is one. One you paid dearly for.
      HE doesn’t have an excuse!

      Your lesson in many ways. The biggest lesson is not what happened though – it’s what you make of it and how you will RESPOND!

      Not easy, one of the toughest ones, yours now.

      Forgive me for being so elaborate and if my words hurt. There is no intend to dig into a wound and make you hurt more then you already are!!!

      Please, for the next silly girl, consider reporting this to the proper authorities!
      Please, get the help you need and let people soothe your pain.
      NOBODY should have to deal with something like this alone.
      You are beautiful, you are strong, you will make it through this no matter how you chose!
      No judgment, we all make mistakes! HIS is unforgivable while yours easily is….

    4. @DarkHorse
      March 8, 2012 at 9:00 am

      Maybe I am mis-interpreting your words but just in case I don’t?
      Fuck you.

    5. Beverly
      March 8, 2012 at 10:17 am

      Don’t ever let a man put you in that position, literally. You could have gotten the A on your own. I am sorry but I just dont feel sorry for you.

    6. @Beverly
      March 8, 2012 at 11:48 am

      I don’t think this post was posted so people feel sorry for her.
      Instead of passing judgment, mindfulness goes a long way. A way that hopefully, one day, you will learn in a much easier way then she had to.

    7. Angel
      March 8, 2012 at 1:10 pm

      If he forced himself on you, yes, it’s wrong. But where are you drawing the line here young lady? You are the one who initiated the meeting- wore skimpy clothes and INTENDED to give him a blow job for an A.. You do ALL of the leading on. I’m sorry but coming from a woman who works hard for her grades and is attractive- when you do things like this- you set woman back a notch. The meeting should have never occured in the first place. Study and you will get your A. but don’t cry wolf here.. I just have a hard time defending you.

    8. Angel
      March 8, 2012 at 1:12 pm

      I report him to the school at least. They can check his emails and see what the real deal is…

    9. lil alien
      March 8, 2012 at 4:22 pm

      I just don’t understand the line of thinking of the negative responses here. Enlighten me, please. Is it normal nowadays that teachers are open to bribe? I mean would you guys just try with anyone, or are some teachers give off vibes of possibilities there? Are they even known to adjust grades for sexual favors? What’s the deal here? I could not even fathom just randomly approaching anyone like this unless he insinuates, gives this vibe or is KNOWN for it (not that I would but just trying to step into that posters shoes). In any event, is being provocative an excuse for rape? Let’s go one further, if you give your boyfriend a blowjob, you agreed to it and do it willingly, then he turns around and rapes you unwillingly….do you all consider this your own fault? I mean you brought this situation up on yourselves right? Um what’s wrong with you all? THIS WAS A MEMBER OF THE FACULTY. Does the reason why, or that he was provoked matter? Where is the line, what makes RAPE okay?

    10. HeavyHitter
      March 8, 2012 at 6:06 pm

      @ lil alien

      I don’t think anyone is excusing his behavior. It should have never have happened. She is old enough to know what was a sexual favor for a grade, correct? She agrees to the deed- wore the skimpy clothing and did not report it PRIOR to it happening. If it were my daughter I would be angry too; but I just want to shake her right now. Her word against his now- That’s all. I dont know why we are talking about this on a love letter sight anyway. Tell her parents. Tell the staff. Writing it on a website does not make it so. What school does she go to where the TA can have the door closed for 30 minutes with a girl in a skimpy outfit? I’m just amazed by it, that’s all. Last time I checked.. I NEVER wore a skimpy outfit after this kind of communication went down and where was the office? I am just not going to say that she had no control over the situation.

    11. Rose
      March 8, 2012 at 6:16 pm

      @lil alien: People are responding negatively because her actions are immoral. She turned her body into a commodity. It doesn’t mean what he did to her was right. Yes, even raping a prostitute is wrong.

    12. @Rose
      March 8, 2012 at 10:04 pm

      Morals. Seems everybody has their own version of what they actually mean. So often so much easier to judge others then actually LIVING by those morals themselves. Are we talking morals in general or just extreme cases like this could hopefully still be considered? Morals? Excuse me but someone opening up, questioning and sharing a story like this certainly didn’t asked to be judged nor to learn about morals. If you really read and comprehend the words she wrote, the message is pretty clear, or at least to me: Was is worth it?
      Insinuates to me that she was aware of more then some of you give her credit for – yes dear, rape is rape and lets’ hope you won’t ever have to find out in any kind of way. Btw. yes even prostitutes have a story, their life story and what led them to where they are. How come you don’t question why men pay them? Kinda funny because those men are more often then not husbands and it may one day be yours doing just that 😛
      Morals yes, judging from ignorance? Just is just but hypocrisy and ignorance seriously never fails to amaze me.

    13. @HeavyHitter
      March 8, 2012 at 10:24 pm

      ‘I am just not going to say that she had no control over the situation.’

      Which ones of her following words did you not understand?

      ‘There was no one there, he locked the door
      and i gave him what he wanted.
      But he wanted more, and took everything he wanted by force.
      No one heard me, or came to help.
      He hurt me.’

      Control went out the window the moment this door closed.

      Point is that whoever chooses to primarily judge her instead THE RAPIST, is having some serious issues of what’s right and wrong. Sure hope this is not a reflection of the majority of humans in today’s society – but I am afraid it is.

    14. fireheart
      March 8, 2012 at 10:50 pm

      You dear girl, I am not going to comment on your choices because I think you understand them well enough, nor am I going to offer you pity or sympathy because those are 2 emotions that simply don’t help anyone. I am going to say I empathise, I understand. I have been raped, several times in fact, and I understand exactly what you’re going through. I understand how it hurts more emotionally than it does physically. I also want you to know that, in time, the emotional pain will fade, but you should know that mentally, there may be problems later on. You may have problems getting close to someone physically when you are consenting at some point whether that is sooner or later. so be prepared for the fact that you may react to certain men and not others in a unpredictable manner, and remember that this is natural. Other women go through it as well and do not ever be upset with yourself for being nervous, or afraid or anything else.

      Brightest Blessings to you, I wish you only the best.

    15. Rose
      March 8, 2012 at 11:16 pm


      violating moral principles; not conforming to the patterns of conduct usually accepted or established as consistent with principles of personal and social ethics.
      licentious or lascivious.

      I’m sure it violates the morality behind the code of conduct of the university.

      I don’t question why men pay prostitutes because that’s not at all what this is about and I do try to stay on topic.

      I give her full credit for being aware of what she was doing. Where did I imply that she wasn’t?

      Fuck you for presuming to know whether I have or have not been raped. Fuck you for implying that my husband would go to a prostitute. Fuck you for assuming I am ignorant or a hypocrite or that I don’t live according to my morals. Are you sure you are not the one who is judging?

      She posted this for the world to see. Neither she nor you have any control over what happens after that. It’s open for people to judge, or sympathize, or even imply that she was asking for it as DarkHorse did. Freedom of speech is a wonderful thing.

      I said what I came to say. I’m done with this thread. Don’t bother trolling me here further. 🙂

    16. Joann
      March 8, 2012 at 11:26 pm

      I’m also wondering why she put this on a love letter site, maybe it was on purpose? I feel sorry for her and by the looks of it, she’s not going to tell anyone about this unwanted sexual intercourse.
      I just don’t understand how this is possible, that a female student can be alone with a male teacher for that long. At my school, everything is very public and open, and stuff like this would be very unlikely. Probably unlikely in most schools as well is what I would like to believe.

    17. feel
      March 8, 2012 at 11:34 pm

      I think you are all forgetting here that he is the one in the position of authority and even though what she did was wrong, what he did is beyond wrong given his position. You should report him.

    18. HeavyHitter
      March 9, 2012 at 1:15 pm


      Coming from someone who is in a school on a daily basis. I just have a hard time convicting him until he is proven guilty in a court of law. That is coming from a studying policy major. Looking at the emails would clear this up quickly. There would be a trail, ok? No need to assume that this is of no consequence to either side at this point or that we are not sympathetic. But what I am not is naive’ especially on this subject matter. Who is taking a final in Feb or March anyway? Assuming it just happened.

      If it did happen, She made bad choices that day- no doubt about it. Very bad ones.

      I wish her no harm-only healing. Call the authorities- report it Rape Crisis website has a ton of info. Friends, family. It’ out there.

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