For a long time, I had felt loss amongst the sea of people. Even now, it feels desolate to know that no matter what I had done to get this far it was al for naught.
I kept at my goals knowing that if I works hard enough, I could finally have some purpose in my life. But I was mistaken. I was wasting time helping others on the orders of those above me and in the end I payed the price by putting a hold in my career.
The person responsible jeered at the notion that the failure had some implication towards her and the family. What does that say about a human being when the people responsible for all your hardships laugh at your failures? Deny their involvement yet continue to ask more of you?
It always saddens me know that my life has been put on hold and prolonged association by such wretched people. It makes me sick how easily they flock like vultures on my dignity, yet scurry like rats when they are asked what part they played into it.
All guilty parties aside, I have really lost a lot of confidence and fervor I had in the beginning and all those bad and negative thoughts I have kept at bay are slwoly creeping back. The bad side wants retribution for all the wrongs they committed, to see them suffer as I have. The other yearns to be free of the schackles placed and not stoop to their level and to prove to them as well as myself, I am not a despicable, monstrous inhuman being like they are.