• All the Things I don’t have the Courage to say Outloud.

    by  • March 8, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Soulmate • 0 Comments

    You know who you are.

    I love you. So much. It actually hurts sometimes and I know you’re not that emotional, super sweet mushy kind of guy but it hurts when you don’t give me the emotion I want.

    I’m insecure… okay? I’m not perfect and I never will be I know that. It just scares me. You’ll never know it but you broke my heart that year. I was going through the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. I understand you were scared, I understand. We were all feeling the same way about it. It was awful and it forever changed my life. But you didn’t have to run away. Especially to her. HER. Of all people. I know she didn’t mean anything but a little voice in the back of my head keeps reminding me that it happened. I liked you, it was the first time I had ever been the first person to come out and say it. I was so vulnerable. But because of what HE did… you chose HER, and it kills me. He shouldn’t have made you so afraid to face things. I know we were on different sides of the situation and you weren’t ready to handle that kind of situation. I get it. It sucks. We all matured through it though. I like to think we’re better people because of it.

    I want you to hold me. I miss you so much when you’re gone. I dread the thought that next year we may be even further apart. I wish you said I love you more. it means so much when you say but being the insecure little girl I still wish you said it to me more. I feel so stupid feeling this way because I should feel secure. You’re the perfect guy. Any girl would be so lucky to have you.

    I wanna tell you that I dream about marrying you on day. I can see our life together and I’ve never felt so happy. You make me a better person and you make me forget about the horrible thing that happened the past year. You make me feel human again.

    Just try to be more touchy-feely-cuddly with me?

    Essentially that’s all I really want I guess. I don’t know why its so hard for me to say it… I just don’t like expressing my feelings. I find it harder…

    I love you.

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