I am fat. There I said it. It is out there. Better? I am a plus size, full figured, overweight, however you want to put it- -woman. Does this change who I am? No. Does it define who I am? No. Do I sometimes feel inferior because of it? Yes. Am I at my heaviest? No, I have lost weight and am trying to lose more. I lost 50 pounds. So it’s not like I am purposely trying to make myself bigger like I have seen some do.
Now, I am not going to sit here and preach about how it is being a fat girl. I’m sure you can imagine. I am healthy. I may not be at 100%, but you know what? I am trying my best. I am eating better and trying to be more active. I am tired of being passed over, having my size thrown in my face, and given the “you’re a great girl with a great personality, BUT I can’t be with you because of your size.” Yes, this has happened more than once. My size should not relegate me to the “friend zone” or label me as unlovable/undateable.
It really irritates me when people tell me “You would be so pretty if you just lost weight.” Really? REALLY? Come on. Are you saying that I am ugly and by dropping weight I will magically be beautiful? Not likely. I AM beautiful. I am smart. I am a great person. I just wish more people could get past the exterior. I know, people have their preferences and what attracts them, to each his own. But do not cut me down because I don’t fit into your ideal mold. Do not try and change me. I change for only one person and that is me.
I am more comfortable in my skin than I have been in a while. This is not to say I absolutely love how I look. We all have things we are insecure about. I do know I need to lose weight. I am also dealing with a medical condition that makes it more difficult to lose weight, and I am NOT blaming it all on that. I know I will be healthier when I lose weight. I know all of these things. I do not need you to point these things out.
I do not need to justify myself to you. I do not need to defend myself or how I look to you. I do not need to prove myself worthy in spite of how I look. I am not insecure and willing to be grateful for any little bit of attention you pay to me. I don’t want it if that is the case.
I am tired of being dismissed before I can show the true me. It gets old, fast. It wears on a person. I’m tired of trying to show you who I am when you don’t want to see. So, if you are this type of person, please leave me be. I don’t need you in my life.
If you have made it this far, thanks. I have been needing to get this off my chest for a while.