• Impossible

    by  • March 7, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 2 Comments

    It’s been about a month now. And I don’t think about you any less than I did when we were together.
    Well, “together”.
    Because we weren’t really together, were we? It was impossible, and yet we were. I considered you to be my boyfriend. You considered me to be your girlfriend. But we weren’t actually together. I never met you. You lived 800 miles away. That’s I why I ended it. It was silly.

    Then why do I still love you?
    Why do I have to block you from my head during the day so that I can actually get work done?
    Why do I lay in my bed at night, awake for hours fantasizing about us being together?

    It’s so confusing. I don’t know what to do about it. I miss you so much. More than anything. Because we had a connection, we were so right for each other. But if I want to be with someone, I should be able to actually BE with them, right? That’s what I thought, and now I’m not so sure. Because I can’t help feeling like I made the wrong choice, like I let my soulmate slip away.

    Am I being overdramatic? You might say I am. But this is what I feel. Last night, I read The Notebook. Cliche, I know. But I did, and it reminded me so much of us. The forbidden love, etc. When it ended, I cried. At first I cried because the book was so sad. And then when I stopped thinking about the book, I just thought of you. And I cried about you. And how much I miss you. And if you think of me as much as I think of you. I hope you do.

    I just can’t shake this off. It’s so frustrating, because I want to just FORGET you.
    But you’ve made that impossible.

    2 Responses to Impossible

    1. Ja
      March 7, 2012 at 11:17 pm

      I’m sorry to here this. I’m in the same boat too…sometimes, I think it’s way harder when you’ve found a connection to someone/have an incredibly strong mental relationship with them knowing you’ve never met them before. It is a relationship, but same time isn’t. Well. It isn’t conventional, that’s for sure.

      I’ve had many rl boyfriends, but the one I miss most was the guy I’ve never met. He broke it off with me because he eventually got too scared; and, I understand this. How can one get up and throw the life they know away to move to the opposite coast just to be with somebody? Even if they love them. There are so many real world choices…but the heart feels what it feels. I’m sorry. It hurts still, I know.

    2. .
      March 8, 2012 at 8:33 am

      It’s when the lines of fantasy and reality fade away into something everybody longs for. The thing is this though, if this connection is real, if this feeling was strong enough, it would also remain and sustain reality. Meaning; a chance would have been given regardless the circumstances. The yearning, the need, would have been greater then fear. Yes, I know this situation all to well, I am still living it but these thoughts keep giving me a sense of control. control I don’t want to have but need to live life in reality. You were stronger then I am, so far. You have done the right thing by giving yourself a chance of love, love that will wrap it’s arms around you at night, or when you need it. Not virtually but literally! Be strong through all this pain, everything has a reason and one day we all find out what this reason was.

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