I’ve been thinking about you lately. Not because I love you, but because I fell in love and now I know what it’s like. I know what it’s like not to be a nuisance. To be wanted. To have someone actually be excited to see me when we get together.
I know now that while I wished I could love you, I couldn’t. I couldn’t because you still flirted with that blonde when my grandmother was dying and I needed you to hold me. I couldnt because you treated me like a piece of meat. There to help you get off, but not there to love or cherish or even respect. I was a toy to you. That’s why I couldn’t love you. Even when I thought I did. Even when you toyed with my emotions and threw the word around like it meant nothing, I didn’t love you.
Sometimes when it’s quiet, when I’m with him, I remember the good times. The coffee conversations. The stargazing.. That’s what his love does for me. You see…his love makes me see the good in everything, in every person and forget the bad. His love helps me see the good in you, even though you hurt me.
Dude, I never loved you. Still don’t. But through his eyes, I’m beginning to really forgive you.