I feel like i’m walking through life twisted. I don’t think I should feel like this.. But it’s not getting better. Everything is getting worse. I feel like I need to cut again to make everything stop, I don’t even feel human anymore, I feel like a shell a shell of the former person I once was. Life is beautiful, I hear it so much, I hear you can find beauty in anything if you look at it with a open mind, i’m looking but i’m not seeing anything anymore. I don’t see the beauty I don’t see the happiness. I see the pain, I see our boys die at war, I see women get abused, I see men hit our women. I see children getting abused, I see children getting raped, I see children getting kidnapped.
I feel lost and sad, I don’t know why, I don’t know why I can’t be happy, I don’t know why I feel so alone anymore. I always thought it was you Damian, I always thought you were the reason why I always felt so damn alone with everything I ever did. I don’t know if I should blame you anymore, I don’t know if I should hate you because of everything you put me threw.
I feel like i’m stuck and you’re moving on and i’m not important anymore, I don’t think I was ever important to you though, I think I didn’t leave anything with you, I feel like you just played with me for six years and now that i’m older I started to see the difference. I started to see you for what you really were, a monster.
You took everything you could from me, but that’s okay. Because now that you took everything I can heal and become a new person right? I should be a new person, I should be happy right? I shouldn’t feel this deep paint that cuts so deep to the bone that I don’t want to live because the pain hurts so deeply.
I’m seventeen Damian, why did you take everything from me? Why did you do this to me? Was it funny? Was it a game? See how long you can fuck with me until I break? What was it? You’re tempted to break even the prettiest dolls? Is that what I was to you? A doll that you threw around until I had so many cracks you couldn’t put me back together?
I don’t trust people because of you I hope you know that. I hope you know I hate to be touched because of you. But you don’t care, you never did.
I don’t feel like i’m the same person each day I wake up. I feel happy sometimes, I laugh and I smile… But the days where i’m sad.. I feel so broken and it’s by your hand Damian, i’m broken because of you.
Life can be so beautiful.. So why do I only feel pain because of you?