• Relentless Fire

    by  • March 6, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Confession • 7 Comments

    It happened again last night. And this morning. You entered my head as he was entering me. I wanted it to be you. I pretended he was. When I closed my eyes, You made love to me for hours and I to you. I didn’t want you to leave, but when I opened my eyes, you undoubtedly did. In an instant, I went from ecstasy to heartache, then mourning for someone I can’t have. When will you stop entering my mind? when will I forget you? How do I get you out of there? I can’t believe I feel like this. I shouldn’t. It makes zero rational sense. Damn it.. You did it again and I know you didn’t mean to. I didn’t mean to either. It just naturally happened. I run from you in my head and you always catch me, and gently corner me somehow in there, playing with me- making me smile. In reality, You are not here. At first, I was too frightened about the way you made me feel and it scared you too; I lost myself in your presence. You saw me weak and vulnerable. I just wasn’t strong enough then. You were flushed and intrigued. I let you down; I am so sorry for that. Biggest regret of my life. You must of thought I was on drugs. I would have too. I wasn’t- except for the most powerful one of all – love. I know it doesn’t make any sense, but it’s what I know. Because of this, I hate that you have never had the chance to see the real me. The one who would have been everything you wanted and imagined in your head too. I am that woman. I promise. You know I am. Sweet, strong, passionate and smart. The way you used to gaze at me, said it all. I felt that intensity and pressure from you ; all at the same time, it was just too much then. I wish we could have healed each others wounds with kindness and laughter. Instead, I ran. I don’t care how we met, or through what cosmic circumstances put us in that same room together. Strange at the time; it now comforts me. If you were here, I would kiss every part of you to make you feel as if anything in the world is possible. I hope you think of me some days and wonder what could have been. I would swim oceans to get to you if I knew you ever thought of me that way still. Instead, I do everything to forget you. But my head just wont let you go. Please Let me go. Or come get me. I beg you. It hurts. I still want you. But love you too much to chase you. Trying to let it burn out. I really am, but this flame just keeps growing wild and is getting bigger and hotter no matter how hard I try to put it out. Help me put it out for good. Or give us a chance and come feel the pain of the heat; erupt with me and then lay with me as we smolder it together with the rain of our bodies. I ache for you. Come get me, before it’s too late. I’m not scared anymore. I need you.

    7 Responses to Relentless Fire

    1. Anonymous
      March 6, 2012 at 3:23 pm

      If this is who I think it is, you should just let me know up front. I didn’t lie when I said I no longer wanted to interfere in your current relationship, so it’ll be hard for me to make the first move.

    2. MJB
      March 6, 2012 at 5:50 pm

      I have not been in a relationship in a about a year now. Since i am the one who wrote this, I don’t think I am the person you are thinking about.

    3. sleepless
      March 7, 2012 at 10:14 pm

      Elegantly written, but… “Love him to much to chase him?” Or love yourself to much to chase chase him?

      Not scared? Think not. Bite your pride and tell this person you fucked up because you are a scared person. Dont run from it. Dont carry this regret with you. It doesnt come around very often and it deserves better then that.

    4. Beverly
      March 8, 2012 at 10:23 am

      I don’t think that is what the writer is saying here. Circumstances just weren’t right for either person. I don’t think she or him fucked up, but there were probably many outside reasons that made it awkward and why they couldn’t act on it.That’s what I got from it anyway. I think her heart really hurts and it sucks because sounds like she really does love him. Speaking as a lady.

    5. loosecannon22
      March 8, 2012 at 5:11 pm

      Sounds like a lucky guy. I would run after her. his turn.or no turn it sounds like.

    6. HeavyHitter
      March 8, 2012 at 8:49 pm

      Wow..sounds passionate, but unless you do something , you might regret it even more. Or, you could get the chance and mess it up again. But I hope that doesn’t happen. :)Go for it!

    7. Leah
      March 10, 2012 at 11:33 am

      I have tried so many times to write to a man I met 13 years ago that I still love as much as the moment we laid eyes on each other and I hate the fact I still love him! What I felt/feel for him is so strong it makes me act crazy when I’m near him and I know he still feels it, but thinks I am some sort of psycho. He is the only man every to have made me feel like this!!

      Anyway, what you have written is truly beautiful and makes perfect sense to me! I know that I wish that rather than follow me in my head he will one day follow me in life to tell me that he wants me and I’m sure you feel the same!

      I would give anything to be near him and somehow I have found a little comfort reading your letter. Thank you.

      I hope that one day he comes for you.


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