• piece by piece

    by  • March 6, 2012 • To You • 0 Comments

    Ok, so things have changed lately and maybe I haven’t been being your girlfriends best friend, relationship advisor, ghost father surrogate, still interested ex-girlfriend as good as I should have been but there is no going back. You need to know this and understand it because I can accept the fucking mess we’re in but if you’re bowing out then I’m moving on.

    You know, no one’s asked me how I’m doing lately and if I could trust you further than I could throw you maybe you’d see that I do understand that you’re not getting what you need. Whose fault is that really though? How are you that lost? You parade around in all of the things that soak up the pain of mostly your mistakes, some caused by your father’s death. But you have everything you need if you could just pull it together.

    You’re so focused on impressing me I could see it since day one and what I don’t get is why. Your confidence was rocky for a while and I could smack you for not enjoying being you. You let her walk all over you and for what? To punish me? To make me jealous, make me crack? When will you see that this facade isn’t impressive.

    You should know that I still loved you but I loved him too. I can see now that what I had with him though wasn’t true love but our relationships were also very different and you continued to continuously overcompensate and there wasn’t much about your relationship that I wasn’t aware of.

    Honestly, after your dad died you have no idea how paranoid I was. I was at a loss for words and your mass text sent the message loud and clear but something definitely changed in me that day. It was the first time I told her no, I wouldn’t do her homework for her. It was the first time I was completely honest with you and I really didn’t care what anyone thought and I think you know that.

    By the way, that picture is legit.

    Thing is, I knew what I was in the middle of and you seemed really nervous. But you knew I wanted to be there for you. What bothered me, and you know this, was how put together everyone was. Regardless, as time went on I could tell that something had to change before we started really hurting each other but you pushed back and I started letting go.

    I was so sick of it. Not that I saw my life flashing before my eyes but because you enjoyed using her to get to me. I felt in the middle and if you were seriously going to keep doing this I had to go. I talk myself up and down but seriously, if you have something to say to me… Spit it out.

    Nevermind the loose as a goose, pimped out models the two of you had become I knew I already loved you and you were just too stupid to see so I saw the break and I fled.

    Now, I have trouble with excusing your iffy behavior if you were puppydoggin more girls than just me.

    I’ve played this game the best way I know how and never meant to hurt anyone, especially you. You’d be THE stupidest guy I’ve ever met to start anything with her after we had come this far. I thought about that, could he have had her in his apartment that morning? Why would he do that. No, he’s flipping obsessed with me. But would he because I… No. Could it be drugs, or… What is going on!

    You know, I did all the work and there had better be a fairy tale ending for me when all is said and done. We only had one day. I love my sociopath 😛

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