• i still love you

    by  • March 6, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Yearning for You • 0 Comments

    I still think about you everyday.
    I still dream about your smile.
    I still hope to run into you at home.
    I still miss your stupid laugh.

    I miss your voice, your eyes, your wit,
    your political views, even the ones i don’t agree with.
    I miss when you’d make fun of me and then say “just kidding, you know I love you.”
    You never said “i love you” to any of our other friends.
    I miss that night we sat together on the couch and pretended that neither of us felt anything, yet even when the movie ended you didnt want to leave. and i miss that you talked to me later that night online. You messaged me, it was the only time you ever did. It made me realize what amazing friends we could be, we had so much in common back then. You talked yourself up to me and i couldn’t stop myself from falling for you a second time.

    I tried. I talked myself out of it over and over again. But my heart wouldn’t listen. I remember walking to our cars at the same time from a mutual friend’s house. Talking and laughing, joking with each other. You told me you couldn’t live without me. Maybe it was all talk, but I refuse to believe there was nothing behind those words. I know you felt what I felt, or I wouldn’t have risked our friendship again. I can’t believe I lost someone who could have been such a great friend.
    Ever since I told you how I felt, I can’t look you in the eye. I can’t talk to you. I can barely fake a hello. But even though it seems as though I hate you, or as though I don’t really care to mend our broken friendship, it’s all lies.

    It’s been two years since i confronted you about your feelings. It’s been four months since I’ve seen you and a year and a half since I’ve said more words to you than just a simple “hello”. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss our friendship, I wish there was some way to get it back. I miss flirting and laughing and I still wish you’d text me.

    I know you told me you didn’t like me like that. I know you have a girl now and have been with her for a while. I think that probably means you love her. I wish I had told you face to face that i loved you. Not that I liked you via text message, but that I loved you. I wish i could still tell you.
    I miss your friendship, your stupid comments, your jokes. just writing this makes me tear up. even though its been years since we’ve actually been friends and even though we dont talk anymore i jsut had to let you know…..

    I love you.

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