• An explanation of my actions

    by  • March 6, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Dating • 3 Comments

    Dear friends,

    I will be the first to admit it, I am not a relationship person, I never have been. I find labels constricting, I don’t like clingy and I get bored easily.
    So imagine my surprise when I find myself in a relationship
    Imagine my surprise when all of a sudden I didn’t mind labels, when I loved spending time with her.
    Then imagine my shock when the girl goes from kisses and I love you’s in the morning to “I don’t know, things are different now, I want to break up” less than 18 hours later.

    Now imagine living that experience 3 times back to back to back with the relationships lasting anywhere between 6 and 20 months.
    Now do you see why I am bitter, why I get quiet or leave the room when you start talking about love and how happy you are with your boyfriend or girlfriend.

    I am not envious of you
    I am not angry at you for flaunting your so called perfect relationship
    I am however bitter and have lost faith in love

    Frankly, I have nothing to add to that conversation, I have nothing good to say about love and I don’t want to be the outspokenly bitter guy bringing everyone else down, so I remove myself. Which brings me to my next point, stop telling me I need to talk to girls, stop setting me up with your friends, stop being shocked when I tell you I am going on my fourth first date in as many weeks. When I tell you I am not interested because I am focused on my career, stop telling me money can’t buy love. Stop telling me I should call the girls back and that I need to stop playing games.

    Because I am not playing games, I am desensitized. I am constantly expecting the girl to disappoint me, to hurt me and I have dealt with that by becoming cold and indifferent.
    With that in mind let me explain why I am doing what I am.

    I didn’t call the girl back because I didn’t feel a connection. Maybe that’s partly my indifferences fault, its hard to be excited about someone when you feel nothing towards them.

    I am not playing hard to get. When the girl texts me and I don’t text back its again, my indifference I just don’t care to make small talk and drag on a conversation beyond a certain point when I don’t feel anything towards them.

    I don’t care to go up and talk to girls or get set up with your friends because 1. I am convinced they will disappoint me and there’s only so much of that I can take. 2. As attractive as I find them, I am worried I am not going to call them back and I will have hurt their feelings and wasted both our time.

    And it stings when the girls come back and tell you I was a jerk or an asshole. Because I am not and you know that, but at this moment I can see how my actions can be perceived that way, and I thank you for defending me but you do it out of blind loyalty to me and not because you see my point. And again I truly appreciate your loyalty and trust in me and therein lies my reason for this letter to help you understand what it is you are defending and why I am acting the way I am.

    Maybe I need a girl who will restore my optimism and my faith. Someone who will fight for me and see through all the walls. Someone who will not disappoint.
    But until then you’re right money won’t buy me love because love is overpriced.

    Thank you for sticking with me through it all, I owe you.
    -M

    3 Responses to An explanation of my actions

    1. C
      March 6, 2012 at 5:03 pm

      your friends aren’t the only ones who need an honest explanation…just saying. the ones you feel like you may have hurt are more understanding than you give them credit for.

    2. Anonymous
      March 7, 2012 at 12:46 am

      I feel you. I am girl, but I feel exactly how you feel right now. I am sad I have become this way. I used to have faith love could overcome everything, but now a part of me is broken, writhing in pain. I don’t care how great the person is, if I don’t feel a connection I am moving on. Besides, there are worse ways to sound your time than making money and working out. And yes, that is pretty much all I do.

      I have gained a new appreciation for the guys I have met who have everything, but have no love in their hearts. I see that they are just like me at this very moment.

    3. that girl
      March 7, 2012 at 1:02 pm

      I can totally see where you are coming from and why you would do the things you would do. However, being forward rather than silent or walking away can save other people heartache. Letting them know that you aren’t interested enough to pursue further helps the other person move forward. When your friends are mentioning games that’s what they are talking about. It’s about caring about someone else and letting them know you aren’t interested in dating them any further or even trying. It’s a kind, courteous, and loving thing to do for someone else.

      The fact that you don’t get excited about any of them just says you haven’t found the right girl yet. It sounds like you’ve gone through some pretty rough relationships so far. I’ve been there. Hated the word love and cringed at every valentine’s day as though it were my death sentence. Sometimes it was easy to just give up on love and not even try looking in that direction let alone listening to friends when they hinted at this person or that person being great for me.

      Give your heart time to heal. Go out and find new hobbies or do stuff that you love outside of work. The truth is you’ll probably end up finding someone that loves exactly what you love doing and that’s the best thing ever. She’ll be a girl that will fight for you, because you are worth fighting for and she will be a girl that can see through all your walls and break through. She’ll never leave you and realize it’s you that she wants to spend the rest of her life with. Someday a girl like that is going to walk into your life and change it forever.

      Don’t give up. It’s going to happen. =)

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