I met and fell in love with you 6 years ago. The following two years were a hell I could not fathom had I not experienced such lovesick loss myself. I have spent innumerable hours of my life literally pining away for you. Memories of that time still bring pain, but also an appreciation and strength I would not know otherwise.
I have lived. I have loved. I am thankful.
I am different.
I was able to crawl from that dark place, but I still remember the restlessness. Fear. The overbearing weight of shame, guilt, and love I could not express. And I also remember how I got there. I would be a fool to go back again.
My life is good right now. Perhaps I do not have everything I ever hoped and dreamed for, but those memories…I do not take for granted my health and well-being as I once did. When I make those little visits to you in my mind, they are there, serving as reminder and warning.
I still love who you and I were together. But the repercussions may take me down. And I may not make it out again.
You have thought me weak in the past. At moments, you were right. But, after 6 years, you do not know the strength it has taken to stay away. You always misunderstood.
Your life is good right now. If that changes, I will not be involved. That is what I can do for you. For the both of us.