• Dear Jeremy,

    by  • March 5, 2012 • Letting Go • 0 Comments

    how did we get here?

    how did you fall out of love?

    i don’t know how you keep a straight face like all your lies you were feeding me?

    i don’t know how you wanted me to trust you with the constant lies and cheating.

    I’ve tried so fucking hard to learn to trust you but you keep proving to me that your not worth my time.

    time after time you secretly hid the fact that you were “talking” to these girls.

    what you didn’t know was that i would ALWAYS find out some way some how.

    i don’t see why how its so hard to be faithful to someone.

    i’ve had my chances to fuck everything up but i didn’t.

    i can read your face and body language so well. i know when there’s something fishy.

    you tell me you love me but you don’t show me that you do.

    i understand you don’t like to but it would have been nice to get some affection from you.

    you support me financially, but not emotionally.

    you don’t look at me like you used to, you don’t kiss me like you used to, you don’t hold me like you used to.

    you could have just left.

    but no, your too scared to hurt me.

    to get your life straight, you need to be straight with me about EVERYTHING.

    you asked me to marry you.

    i said yes of course.

    i wanted to take care of you, i wanted to wake up with you every morning and see those pretty blue eyes of yours. i wanted to love you for the rest of your days.

    you were my first everything and i would never change that.

    you’ve made me a stronger, wiser person, by pushing me down, lying to me, and showing me that you stopped caring.

    you told me you would take care of me for the rest of my life, yet you want to leave.

    i DON’T want or need you to take care of me.

    if i cant have you to myself, i don’t want you at all.

    i don’t need you.

    i need some one who is going to need me.

    some one who wants me to take care of them

    someone to hold and kiss me like they don’t want to ever let go.

    if it wasn’t for you, i wouldn’t know what i need. i loved you for everything you were.

    i still love you.

    ill ALWAYS love you.

    i never gave up on you, i just gave up on us as a couple.

    you say you tried to work on things with me, but the only thing you really worked on was being a tad nicer to me.

    i wish you were part of the person you were when i first met you. the sweet you.

    the one who said sorry when you knew you did something that hurt me.

    i wish we could re-do everything over.

    i wish i wasn’t so scared.

    i wish i was more outgoing.

    i wouldn’t feel so left out from your life even though i was your girl.

    you never once tried to show me that i could be outgoing.

    i need that.

    you tell me you don’t want to take me out into public because in awkward?

    SHOW me that i don’t need to be scared of people.

    i don’t know how to do it.

    that’s what a significant other is for right?

    to help show the other person right from wrong.

    to show them love.

    to make them stronger.

    i know i can lean on you if i need a hand but a hand isn’t enough.

    you were everything i wanted to be.

    i guess i wanted to keep you around because i wanted to be more like you in a sense.

    you had issues with holding you feelings and emotions in.

    i told you you could confide in me.

    i told you you could tell me ANYTHING and everything that was going through your mind even if it would hurt me.

    but you just couldn’t.

    i was here to help you

    here to help you fix things you weren’t proud of.

    I’m so proud of the father you are to our daughter.

    I’m so proud that you manned up and gave your life up for her.

    I’m just not proud of the partnership you gave me.

    i want to help you grow.

    i want to be there when you need anything.

    i gave you my heart

    i gave you my life.

    i trusted you to not crush it all up, throw it on the ground stomp on it and walk away.

    but you left.

    i know your going to regret this.

    you wont find anyone like me.

    i was here for you 100% even with all the lies but now im seeing that its not healthy for me to be around you.

    i want to so bad

    but i cant anymore.

    i fucking love you Jeremy.

    more than you could even imagine.

    you were my first love and ill never forget how intense it was with you.

    i just wish i could forget all the pain you put me through.

    all i want to remember is those perfect blue eyes.

    i can see they hurt.

    you hurt.

    i’m letting go.

    letting go of all of this.

    ill always be here for you if you need me but

    i wont be here when you want me back in your life.

    i would love to but you’ve damaged me too much for me to even think about trying it again with you.

    thank you for what you’ve given me these past three years but im done.

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