• Dazed and Confused.

    by  • March 5, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Confusion • 0 Comments

    To be completely honest with myself, i don’t know what I want. I’ve loved Hunter for almost 2 years and i haven’t seen him once since we met and shared 5 lovely days together. We had one perfectly sweet kiss. It was heaven. I loved Max for 5 months and I would see him every day. I almost lost my virginity to him. We had so many hot, frantic , needy kisses. Maybe I still secretly love him deep down inside of myself. I don’t know. What does this mean? I loved them both at the same time. My heart grew to love them both. It’s totally fucked up actually. I can’t even compare them. Hunter barely knows me, but we do know we were made for each other and he’s the one I envision myself marrying after college. But Max REALLY knew me. He knew everything about me. He saw right through me which made me love him even more. Hunter doesn’t know that much, I don’t have that extra emotional layer that I need to be there with him. I’m so confused. What happens now? What happens when even more boys come into the picture? Like cute Mitchell from this past weekend and adorable Brian from 2 weeks ago. I don’t know! I’m even considering becoming a homewrecker with the Mitchell thing. What the hell is wrong with me? Also with Mitchell, why did he hug me and flirt with me if he has a girlfriend? WHY? WHY DO THESE THINGS HAPPEN TO ME? Why can’t I find a nice secure boy up here to settle down with? I just want some goddamn stability for once. Is that too much to ask? *Sigh*

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