I don’t even have anyone to write this too. so I guess it’s to everyone that has ever met me. I have woken up crying for the last two weeks straight. I cannot seem to make myself happy. I have been on and off with a couple guys and ever since I have been alone I can not make myself happy. I don’t know who to turn to or what to do. All I can think of is death. and how it is going to happen anyways so why not now? If I am going to die I at least want to go the way I want to. I know that not being alive will not solve any issues but i cannot seem to come up with any other solution to make me happy.
I broke up with my boyfriend over a year and half ago and suddenly he randomly text me and calls me and says how he wants me and wants to be with me and hook up with me.. the normal drunken fone call. but the thing is, i have waited for that moment since we have broken up. And when I finally got the moment I didn’t have the feelings i thought i would. Its almost like my last hope of true love is gone.
After me and my boyfriend broke up, i had moved on or at least pretended to and dated another guy. He was truly amazing and wonderful and everything you could ask for in a guy. He treated me like a princess. We had broken up this past summer because of distance and then he randomly texts me one night over the summer saying he wants me back in his life. We started talking again eventually end up dating again. and I go out to NYC and see him for my winter break and I was so unhappy. Once again my last hope of love was gone.
After this boyfriend I had met a new guy who I thought would change everything. He would stare at me for hours and he would say its because I am so beautiful. I had never had a guy call me beautiful and actually mean it ever. So I really thought he was the one. I had put him through a lot of shit and eventually he couldn’t handle it and ended it with me a couple weeks ago.
Ever since that happened I cannot make myself happy. I have been so miserable to the point that I have considered death as my only option. I dont know what to do. I need somewhere to turn to. I need help. I don’t want to be unhappy. I don’t want to think killing myself is a solution. If anyone out there feels the same way please let me know. Or let me know how you got out of feeling this hopeless and this worthless. I just need someone out there to care for me. to know what I am feeling and going through.