It’s time to make a decision. I can’t keep doing this to both of you.
I should’ve never started flirting with you. It was so wrong of me. Although you two were at the tail end of your relationship, you had a girlfriend. If it weren’t for me, you guys might have been able to patch things up and repair your relationship. I was leading you down a dead end. Where does this road end, though? Now. Right now. This whole game of me teasing you and stringing you along has been fun, but I have a boyfriend and you’re entirely too old for me. I made things with Jeremy seem worse to you than they actually are. When I told you the story of he and I, it was my way of showing you the history between him and I. It was supposed to show you how much I trust and love him, and how I haven’t been showing that. That needs to end, too. I’m going to be the absolute best for him. When I told you that I felt dragged down by his and my relationship, that I wanted to be young and have fun, I didn’t mean that I was looking to break up with him. Go find a girl your own age. You have tons of gorgeous and sexy older girls throwing themselves at you. You shouldn’t want me over all of them. They can go to clubs with you, they can buy alcohol and party without having to worry about school or having to be home at 10.
Can I just start off by saying that I love you? You frustrate the hell out of me (in fact, you drive me insane), but who else would stand by me for as long as you have? Even before we started dating, you were always there for me. Despite all the change you’ve undergone, your patience and loyalty remains the same. I was scared of how much you’ve changed though. It was like you got better and everything got great for you while I just pouted under my rainclouds and watched as you tried to drag me into the sunlight, saying your way of life was better. I was playing games, Jeremy. I wanted to make you jealous, but only succeeded in getting myself into way over my head. It was so stupid of me to expect you to express your feelings in the way I wanted you to. I know you love me, I just can’t believe it. I’ve always thought that you’d be better off without me. That’s why I tried to kill myself. The miraculous thing is that you stayed with me, even while I wasn’t in school when I was in the mental hospital. You’ve never given up on me, do don’t do it now. I promise I’ll be better. I’ll be as amazing for you as you’ve been for me. Just you wait.
Your favorite girl