Wow it’s five months (6 months, kind of) since we became more than just acquaintances. You were so open in your feelings about me, but i never knew what to think. My friends and everyone at school tried to sway me away, but it only wanted me to move closer and see what you were all about. Contrary to popular belief, you are one of the sweetest guys i’ve ever met. Sure you are just like any other teenage guy, and a little short, but i never judged you for what people told me. Sure i lied to some of my friends about my feelings towards you, i just didn’t know what to say to them. We were to keep each other secret, you may have, but i just couldn’t.
We met at homecoming and it was just by accident. You were dancing with one of my close friends and after the song finished she grabbed me and walked by you. You always tell me that there was something different about me than the other girls. I wasn’t easy. you asked me to dance, or just started dancing with me. Our height different will always be funny, but i didn’t let it bother me. Sure it was sweet when you found me after homecoming on Facebook through your yearbook, pure dedication. We just became so close through texting. You always knew what to say to me to make me feel less like an outsider. You saw me like no one else. You made me see myself in a new way. Thank you.
It was November 19th…I don’t think you remember the date. But that was the date that you changed everything about us. It was after the last night of the school play…it was the night you kissed me. My first kiss. I know i’m a junior in high school and never been kissed, honestly i didn’t think i was going to be kissed at all during high school. It around 9:30ish at night in the front of the Orchestra room. You came in and we hugged. You said that, i looked lovely 🙂 Then you kissed me. You would think the height thing would be an obstacle, but actually it wasn’t. But i still remember that night. Every time i think about it, i smile.
We got together a couple times for a couple weeks after, always in secret. I knew that every time i was with you, i just felt free and rebellious. I’m such a “good” or “innocent” kid so this was a new feeling. I was finally happy. The time in the library….well that was wonderful. But our last kiss in early december, in which we almost got caught, was my favorite. My parents thought something was wrong because my friend thought i was in trouble. I was trying to run to a place to meet my parents, but i had your hat in my bag, so you ran down the street and grabbed your hat and i started to walk away, but you said ” Kelly you forgot something, a kiss goodbye.” It was a tough night, but we made it unknown to my parents. We were but friends with benefits, i just didn’t tell you that i liked you more.
After that last kiss, we got into fights, because well my feelings got in there. We were no strings attached, yet i didn’t want to believe that. You wanted to date someone, but i just didn’t want to date, i wasn’t ready. We stopped talking as much, i grew bitter towards you. I felt like something was missing.
the new year came and we still didn’t talk, i was so conflicted. I just avoided you at all costs. I couldn’t handle accepting what has been happening. But soon we started slowly coming back together. I missed you. But this time was all about forgiveness. You felt so bad at what you did to me, i tried to feel better, but i couldn’t , you really did hurt me. But it was that night you promised me you would do anything to get me back, but i said that you never really had me, i lied. That night you said three words i never thought you would say, “I Love You.” I was just shocked. I was not expecting it at all. I didn’t even know what to say to it. I just couldn’t say it back. But you didn’t care, you knew i couldn’t. You know me sometimes, better than i know myself.
I did say i love you. I never even told my friends. I just couldn’t. I mean now some of them may see this, but i don’t care. You kissed me on Valentine’s Day. Another first for me 🙂 but i just was out of it. Then i just took a break, but you thought that i didn’t want to be with you, but i did or do really want to. I’m just so conflicted. But Leap Day, that was the day that you just made me feel so much better about myself. We fooled around, and holding my hand just made me feel better. You decided we weren’t friends with benefits because of the feelings involved, and i couldn’t agree more. But we still don’t know what we are…We just became something different. You love me.
Sincerely, Kelly 🙂