• here it is..

    by  • March 4, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Depression • 4 Comments

    ~my friends..

    i tried to kill myself thursday night.. a day after my 16th birthday.. i downed all of my medication which really should have killed me.. i don’t know why it didn’t.. i woke up from being passed out for 7 hours puking what i believe to be blood and couldn’t walk for 2 days.. apparently it’s been obvious to you guys that i haven’t been okay because i got spammed with calls and texts from people i haven’t talked to in god knows how long.. saying things like “well you weren’t at school today and i know you’ve been really depressed.. just wondering if you’re okay..” etc. .. if it was obvious why didn’t you guys talk to me before?..

    i’m going to go to school tomorrow i hope.. and see if anyone says anything.. i don’t want to be known as that freak who attempted suicide but failed.. i really do have amazing friends.. i shouldn’t try to blame this on you. don’t blame it on you either okay? you guys deserve a better me. i’m sorry for this.. for everything..

    if i really do survive everything i’m putting myself through and don’t die.. i promise i will become a better person.. or at least clean myself up.. maybe try to get some help. i love you guys.. thanks for never giving up on me.


    4 Responses to here it is..

    1. M
      March 5, 2012 at 6:30 pm

      Don’t try to take your own life. There are so many people who love and care about you and would be devastated to lose you. Things will get better!

    2. jubejube
      March 6, 2012 at 5:48 pm

      if you say so..

    3. T
      March 11, 2012 at 12:49 pm

      I have been depressed as long as I can remember. Two years ago I had finally had enough and swallowed an entire bottle of percocet. Like you, I passed out for several hours, but survived. I was initially overwhelmed with embarrassment and more depressed than ever, but couldn’t try it again because I was placed on suicide watch.
      My life changed dramatically after that. I picked up and decided to travel on my own, and through a series of totally random and unexpected events I met the love of my life. We’re getting married in July.
      I’m really proud of you for realizing that you have people in your life that love you. You mean so much to them, even if it’s sometimes hard to see that through the haze of depression you’re currently in. Like M said, things do get better, often when you least expect it. Don’t throw away your life because it seems hopeless right now–you have no idea what you will be missing.

    4. jubejube
      March 11, 2012 at 7:19 pm

      Thank you..

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