• Dear Bulimia

    by  • March 4, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Depression • 2 Comments

    Dear Bulimia Nervosa Non-Purging Type,

    There are so many things I want to say to you but I just can’t find the words because my mouth is full of food. I am so angry at you for ruining my life. And the worst part is, I don’t even know where you come from so I can’t begin to fight you off.

    Everyone tells me I’m fat because I have no self-control. I’m ugly because I don’t know how to take care of myself. My obesity and self-image issues are a result of choices I have made. Do you think I want this for myself?! Do you think I want to hate myself so much I can’t stand to have sex with my husband naked? Do you think I want to keep shoving food down my throat every time I get upset? Do you think I want to look like this!?!?!

    I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!

    At least if I purged I wouldn’t look like this. But no, you had to take that away from me too. My one last hope of public dignity. I don’t care if I hate myself inwardly but when it starts to affect every second of my every day I care. Why won’t you just leave me alone? It’s like you’re always there, lingering in the back of mind, waiting to strike.

    How am I supposed to keep on living with you? With myself? You make me just want to crawl out of my skin and die.

    Thanks for ruining my life.


    2 Responses to Dear Bulimia

    1. friend
      March 4, 2012 at 9:58 pm

      i love you the way you are. “there is beauty in the broken,” “we are beauty framed by suffering.” you might not feel it, and others might support that feeling, but i think you’re beautiful. don’t ever let anyone tell you different, because you were fearfully and wonderfully made to be the person that you are. there is always hope.


    2. T
      March 11, 2012 at 1:02 pm

      I understand exactly what you’re going through, and wont cheapen it by telling you ‘it’s okay’ or ‘things will get better.’ I can’t promise that and I have not personally been able to overcome this demon myself.
      However, I do want to beg you to seek help. It’s out there and it can change your life. Just as importantly, please please please never turn to purging. First and foremost–it doesn’t work. You wont lose weight. All it does is erode your teeth, tear your esophagus, give you ulcers, and damage your heart. You don’t know the shame of being out with your friend at lunch–already a harrowing experience as you know–and suddenly feeling a tooth break off in your mouth.
      Please seek help. This is not something you will beat on your own. <3

    Leave a Reply