You can tell me that you want to be with me over and over again, but do those words really matter when you’re not here? If you wanted to be with me, you would. You would be here. You’re not. It’s that simple.
I consider myself to be a strong person with a good deal of self respect, and it’s taken me a lot of time and a lot of mistakes to get to this point in my life. But when it comes to you, I throw my pride and dignity out the window every single fucking time. I become the pathetic girl I was when we met over 5 years ago.
Our connection is undeniable. After all this time, we still cannot get away from each other. We’re like magnets. When I’m around you, I’m just happy. I forget about all of my problems. What exists between us can hardly be described in words. But that’s okay, because I will never have to explain it to you. It’s a silent understanding between us. I’ve never found that with anyone else and I know you haven’t either. Sometimes I think we never will.
So what is the problem? Why can’t we just make things work? I can’t wrap my mind around why this is so complicated every single fucking time. I frustrate you. I frustrate you because I’m not like any other girl in your life and you don’t know how to handle these feelings. You told me I intimidate you. So you push me away. Every single time. We get so close, so so so close, and then you’re gone without any notice. You have no idea how badly that hurts me. Yet, I continue to be right where you left me, and when you come back, my arms are wide open. Every time.
You make me feel pathetic. You build me up only to let me fall. And I can’t tell if you really feel guilty or not. You told me that you hate how you’ve been, how you feel so guilty for hurting me, how you want a fresh start so badly. You told me how you want to be with me. You told me this time would be different. I want to believe it all, I really do. Part of me did believe it.
But here we are a few days later, back at the start. It’s getting easier and easier to just put you out of my mind and let it go now, as I have zero expectations from you. But I will never be able to fully let you go. A part of me will always be attached to a part of you.