I am torn between feeling like this is the happiest in my life that I have been and feeling like every day waking up is a struggle. I have the best people in my life, and I love them and have fun but I feel like every day there is new drama. Every day I get hurt over something, I’ve cried every day for at least a week if not more now. It might not seem like much to some people but to me, that is too much way too much. I just feel like the one person, the most important person could care less for me. As I fall apart he lectures me for being dumb and barely holds me anymore while I cry. He tells me a lot of these things are my fault and gets mad at me for silly things. I think he has lost the patience he once had for me, and I feel like my heart is breaking into a million little pieces. Today. Yesterday. The day before. All terrible days. Every time I think it will be okay and start to relax, have fun, feel good, something will tear me right back down.
I am beginning to wonder if I am bipolar.
I wonder if all this is truly my fault.
What did I do to deserve this pain?
To feel this torn?