Maybe I should tell you, but somehow I just can’t anymore, not right now.
There were times when I felt I could talk to you about anything. Happy, silly little moments that fill me, emotions and tears I shed, even things that you said that hurt me. An openness with a drive to share with you, I couldn’t even explain to myself, much less to you – voiding all logical reason. You were the one I always think of first in good and bad.
You are still the one I always think of first!
Remember when I told you after some argument (I don’t even remember) that the real reason to worry begins with silence? I have become quiet, I know I have. It feels that it doesn’t really matter to you anymore though.
Everything inside of me is screaming out to you. Asking you for help, asking you to really take a breath, a moment designated just selfishly for me. A moment to just hold me and let me feel, that everything will be alright. More often then not, not a single word escapes my lips.
I specifically write *let me feel* because somehow words begun to fade.
I have begun to believe you.
Believe that this is exactly how you want your life to be
Believe that your life gives you most happiness just the way it is
Believe that our love with never find mutual reconciliation
Believe that there are really two worlds instead of one
With your walls erected so sturdy and high, my little chisel will never be able to make light.
Silence because through all the help I need, what I really need is simply you and your love. The kind of love that you don’t feel for me.
So maybe I should tell you all of this but words are words, and knowing you, I know how mine make you feel. Words that I have expressed before.
So, those words are something you don’t really want to be reminded of.
Those words, and so many more are therefor useless and created the silence
of my acceptance.
Right now, I just have no strength left to chisel, and merely stare at this wall imagining your beautiful face behind it.
A face with a smile for the little comfort I am able to give.
A vision that will always remain in my heart and soul.
I am me, not really holding myself back, but simply let you be you.
I love and I miss you more then you may ever understand.