• More Than I Should

    by  • March 1, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Miss You • 3 Comments

    I miss you more than I should. Really, I do.
    Not all the time, and not enough to cry or be truly sad about it, but maybe that’s just because I try not to think about it too much.
    I hate that you are having these adventures without me. I wish we were having them together.
    I hate that you’re experiencing all these new places and events while I’m in the same place I always am.
    It’s amazing how quickly you tucked yourself into my heart.
    How I’ve known friends and family my whole life, yet I find that you are the one person I want to confide in, to tell about the littlest actions of my day. I know you’ll care. I know you’ll hug me if I’m crying, laugh with me if we’re being stupid, get angry at someone if they have hurt me. I just know you’re there for me. Except, you’re not.
    Words are great, but I want you to hold me right now.
    God, it sounds like I’m in love with you, doesn’t it?
    I’m not. I love you, so, so, dearly. But I’m not in love with you. That wouldn’t end well, I’m sure we can both agree.
    But sometimes I wish I could be in love with you. You are more perfect for me than anyone I have ever met, and I’m picky enough that saying that is saying a lot. So I do wonder. Maybe attraction could grow out of our mutual love of being together. Maybe we care so much about our friendship that we’ve pushed down any romantic feelings we might have for each other. Maybe we’re both just so damn bad at relationships that we try not to entertain the idea.
    But I wonder. When every other guy disappoints and every other thing I notice makes me miss you, I wonder. More than I should.

    3 Responses to More Than I Should

    1. msircar
      March 1, 2012 at 6:58 am

      This letter hit a little too close to home. I am in a similar situation and my friend and I joke about dating and ending up together, especially when the guys and girls we go on dates with turn out to be less than spectacular. But its my belief that every joke is rooted in some truth. I still find myself convincing me that it would never work out well and I would risk losing her from my life as a result. Anyways its nice knowing I am not the only one living that experience.

    2. L
      March 3, 2012 at 12:21 am

      I felt like I could have written this. I felt like I did. This is my exact situation.

      6,512.80 miles.

    3. Krysten
      March 4, 2012 at 1:57 am

      You will never know if you will lose her from your life, unless you try. I am in the same situation, sort of, with a friend of mine. He asked me, if we are both single the next time he gets deployed, if I will marry him. Funny thing is. I love him, and I would do anything for him. I have told him this, but he wont tell me how he fells. He slipped one night almost asleep, and said I love you too, and confirmed it the next day. However still refuses to tell me the rest of his feelings, claiming he is afraid he will lose me. I have informed him that he will never lose me. Yes I have promised that. I know, you are asking how I can promise something like that. What if we do get into a relationship and it goes bad, you ask? He is my drug of choice, I find myself un-able to quit him. I have even tried dating other people. Yet my heart still lies with him. I hope one day he will at least tell me how he feels, even if only to tell me, yet again that we must stay friends only. I am ok with that. I hope every last one of you find that special someone. Your drug of choice.

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